The Elixir shop had some new things up on the walls, and I took my time in the store, mulling over purchases. I would occasionally look down almost reflexively, subconsciously expecting to see a collared boy there, dressed, smiling up at me and kneeling. With a small pang, I would remember and just look up again, once again pushing that memory away like an unwelcome stranger who was perhaps speaking too loudly. “Right,” I said, finally settling on one cat suit with a classic style. I made the purchase and teleported to the blank parcel of sand.
I took a deep breath.
I could see my old house, like a ghost of a memory, full of laughter and friendship, as if it stood in this place – quite OUT of place. The style wouldn't ever fit here. I could see one sauntering out the front door with a crooked smile, his brown hair mussed and offering his hand and a warm embrace, whispering to me that he had some surprise for me. There was a twinkle in his eye and a pressing excitement to his voice. Footsteps, and then came another quietly behind him, broadly grinning, dropping to a kneel without a word as we stood and turning, looking at the water that lapped up against the grassy shore. No words were said as we stood there.
That scene disappeared slowly from the edges of my mind, and all that was left was this bump of blank sand. The whole sim was cut into little square sections, like manufactured, impersonal islands. It felt so empty as I stood there, and I almost just left. I sat down right in the middle of it, looking around and questioning what I was even doing here, my heart filled with loss.
A woman then appeared, dressed in a fluffy black cocktail dress with heels – on the beach of course. Only in SL can you wear full formal wear with stiletto heels on a sandy beach, every hair perfectly held in place. She welcomed me and asked, “Have you seen the sunrise here?” I smiled and said, “No, I haven't.” She said, “You should. This used to be my land. I have many memories here... the sunrise is gorgeous.” I clicked my world settings and, sure enough, it was beautiful. She smiled and announced she had to go, was off to some such thing.
Bathed in the sunlight, I tried not to think that each new memory I made here would one day wash away in the tides, even though I know it, too, was true. I had chosen a very specific, special home that reflected my minimalist tastes, and I rezzed it, walking inside. The clean glass and concrete, the lights and shadow... It all felt open, filled with light, ready... and very much -me-. The pool and such went up outside easily, and the place was beginning to feel much more like the personality of the woman who stood in it than the blank parcel with its lonely emptiness that I was feeling. Little sand dunes, a hammock. Dances poses over there in the tiki light. Lush palm trees and trickling pool water.
Everything was set down, and I stood there, ready to place the last piece in the house, hesitating. A photo changer that faded... a picture of my boys. Another picture was there too, of my friends and our precious memories. I smiled, my heart wrenching as each picture changed. It was as if I had opened a door, and their faces, spirits, and the music of their souls filled my new house. If there would be healing, I would have to walk through it, and so I would. There are many ladies who cannot bear to see their submissives again after release, burying their memories – or perhaps replaying them with new submissives at their feet. Or perhaps they leave for good. Every domina deals with loss in a different way. I reached up, touching the picture fader, and I wiped away a tear as I looked into the eyes of the first boy I ever collared here, remembering his eagerness with a painful chuckle. I suppose I have grieved long enough, and I would deal with my loss by embracing the sunrise, loving the past for what it was, and moving forward.
My radar popped open and I smiled and stood, walking to the door where a boy stood, knocking, “Miss?” he said. Handsome thing, grinning, wandering around, “That's a fantastic pool!” I chuckled, continuing to stand there, gazing at the faces of past memories. “Have a look around. If you get into my lingerie drawer, I'll know it. I have a script that tells me, you little pervert.” And with that, he was off, jumping on the shibari rack and then shackling himself down onto the bondage post. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to the silver frame and whispered, “I love you guys,” and turned, walking out the door and watching him. He was gorgeous in the midnight, the tiki torches bathing him in ambient, warm colors as he extracted himself from the pool. “So you're here all by yourself, Miss?” he said. With a chuckle, I replied, “Someone always seems to turn up... ” He then knelt at my feet and smiled, “Like me?” And I reached down, cupping his cheek in my hand as the hues in the sky began to change, breaking out over the roof and the palm trees. When I touched him, my heart began to beat a little faster, gooseflesh dancing on my skin, and a trickle of pure, unmistakable power in my hand. “Yes, like you... slut. Follow me.”
And so has been my sunrise.
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