Confession - Anonymous

So I sat and I waited and I watched and a smiled.

I saw the many Mistress’ that came in and out and they saw me they looked they smiled and they beckoned me closer, non of them made my spine shiver made my eye sparkle my heart pound with anticipation. They came in and they went out and they noticed me. Some would order me to their feet and obediently I complied, they pawed and they looked at me, they would stroke and they would touch. Still I felt no spark, but i dutifully obliged.

So I sat and I waited and I watched and I smiled.

She walked in and she spoke, my eyes instantly fell onto her and no matter what happened who spoke I could only see her. It was as if nobody had ever existed before she had walked in. She looked at me, and I looked at her, I felt my chest tighten and my breath quicken I could hear my heart pounding in my ears the electric flowing over my body.The raging inferno of fire swelled out of my belly like molten fire flooding every vein, every limb with passion. For the first time I wanted to be noticedby I wanted to be seen by her to catch her eye. I got her attention and she smiled back, the spark was there I could feel it and I could see me folded on my knees at her feet comfortable and complete in my own skin.

So I sat and I waited and I wondered but I could not smile.

2 days had passed and my chest was still tight and my heart still pounded the feeling would not go away. Nothing I could do would make that feeling go away, I could think of nothing else but that image I had formed in my head of me on my knees at her feet. I did not ever break the rules, I would never have thought to but I had to know I had not slept. I opened up the IM window and closed it again for 3 hours opened and closed. Finally I hit enter..

So I sat and I shivered and still I could not smile.

I told her how I felt and I closed my eyes a secret prayer. She said there was a spark she had felt it too and I finally smiled, my heart lifted, I felt my heart pounding in my chest I could have screamed with joy and I hoped, my legs felt weak and i knew when there was that word...” but”. My heart sank, I felt crushed and empty but I still smiled. “it’s ok I understand” Hiding the pain I felt inside

So I sit, and I wait and I wander and I smile. Nobody knows the emptiness I now feel inside.