Saturday, September 11, 2010

Confession By Rubi Arts


I fell inlove with him the minute I saw him, but of course I did not know it at the moment, the feeling came up to me as a very hot wave of desire. A tall well builded, black hair, tanned blue eyes stalion like, son of a bitch, educated and with impecable manners with the women around him. He was just incredible beautiful.

I did not know much about D/s at the time, I just knew I was just not like my girlfriends, I never waited for a man to ask me out or to take the lead on a relationship, but of course that not always worked out for me, sometimes the men just ran away from me, so I decided I could change things this time, I wanted him and I was going to make him mine.

But there was this incredible and annoying feeling that I never felt before, and that feeling made me scare, and made me feel unsecure and afraid of loosing him. I just needed to see him to feel my skin warmed up like I was always exposed to heaters, and the wetness between my thights was always there, it drove me completly insane to give in to him like that. I wanted it to be just like the rest of the men I had before, enjoy him and let him go not caring about anything else, I knew I was not made to be in a “normal” relationship. I just wanted to fuck his brains out and not care if he decide to go. But at the thought of that my heart jumped and started to ache. I went and lived a couple of months like that and I completly loathed it.

He knew about it, and after few weeks he started to get weird; long silences, not talking back when I asked him to do something, he did not called back when he said he would. I was going mad, since I did not know how to deal with the need of him and the obvious choice: to let him go since I was not going to submit to him that way.

Then the night I was suppossed to break up with him, I asked him to come inside my apartment, I reached out to kiss him on the lips, I was not wasting time to fuck him for the last time. But he pushed me away from him. I remember feeling ill with madness, that was the last thing he would do to me, or so I thought. He then took my arms and place them behind me roughly, he guide me to the sofá and bend me over it. I was getting angry at that point I could not believe he was treating me like I was a piece of meat, then without any warning he ripped off my panties and began to slide his fingers in and out of me, I was shocked, but I was also wet and ashamed of what I was feeling in such situation. I felt the tears coming out of my eyes. I knew that if I could not stop such a tall and strong man he would do almost anything he wished to me. So i fought back as I could, he held me even tigher to his body and began to strip his pants down, then I panic and I pushed him with all of my might, turned around to face him, I pushed him away from me again, I was crying tears of anger then. A strange shy smile came up to his beautiful face and he walked closer to me, I slapped him on the face as hard as I could really wanting to hurt him. Yes, I loved him but I was not going to put up with shit like that.

He look shocked too but he tried to come closer again I slapped him again just waiting for him to walk out the door. Both of his cheeks were red and his eyes widen with surprised.
“Now get out of my sight you sick bastard” I yelled.

“No”. He responded and walked again to me. I slapped him one more time and then again with both hands until I got tired of it. His eyes were full with tears, he fell to his knees and look up to meet my sight. I pushed him to the floor I wanted to hurt him even more, I had all this anger acumulated from all the days he put me trought all the suffering of the idea of loosing him. And strangely he was not fighting back he did not stop me, it seemed to me that he wanted me to just slap him over and over.

“Now get out” I asked one more time.

“No” He said one more time.

“I don`t want you now you are a sick son of a bitch piece of shit” I kicked him while he was still on the floor. I thought that something was seriously wrong with him now, but I liked the fact that he was not moving away but holding still now on his knees. I have never slapped a man before that many times and still got to see his face and determination to stay. He was not saying anything at all just holding still while I walked around the living room, he never lost sight of me, his eyes were fulled with expectation and excitment, I did not know what to think or to feel anymore, but it came to my mind that I could torture him back and make him pay for the last weeks.

“I am not leaving, please let me stay” He replied with a plead one more time, and I loved him for that more than I was willing to admit. But I was trying to hurt him now, not to give in to him again, desire was not important but it was still there, love did not matter even thought I felt it even stronger. I wanted to touch the redden skin of his cheeks and make him feel better with my kisses, I wanted to strip him down and take him right there on the floor where he kept kneeling watching me walk around like a trapped feline.

I knew everything just changed but I was trying to make up my mind and decide if I wanted it. I was feeling afraid of the intense and deep desire that was growing on me but not as I felt it until then, this was a different type, I felt the rush of the power over him and I was going to use it, it made me feel drunk, and suddenly really alive and not afraid of loving him anymore.
But was that going to work out for me?

I did not know, I just knew that when I walked closer to him and pulled him by the hair to make him look into my eyes I saw his glance and the shy smile on this lips, that I had him on my hands now and to prove it I tied him down to my bed for the rest of the night and he did not even complain once. I thought to my self that was a very good way to make him stay, but again when I set him lose he came back to me again and again, and again.


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