Deep Sadness by Anon

This was written during a very dark time in my life...

My soul is crying...it's crying because it sees what's happening to me, it wants to be loved so badly. But it's watching that dream fade more and more the light at the end of the tunnel is fading for my soul and it is sad. My heart is icing over turning into cold stone, I've even started pushing my friends away...my mind is angry and bitter and tired, it's starting to not care anymore...my mind is tired...tired of everything, the failures...it's tired of trying to work things out only to have them blow up...my heart is tired of caring...what does it get me? Only pain and sorrow...my mind keeps telling me die...if you die it'll all go away, my heart says no, it will only cause others pain...I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to hurt anymore either...what to do...those fuckers took my knife and didn't give it back...others see that as a good thing but sometimes I wonder if I had it if I could just make myself feel anything again so that I'm not feeling like and empty shell walking around doing what I have to do in life to survive, but surviving for what? my mind cannot see a reason anymore...my heart won't give up but there isn't warmth there...no, it's cold anger, confusion...pain...no happiness just a big black hole neverending...my mind keeps telling me to give up...my heart says no, keep going...but neither my mind or heart can see a reason as to why...maybe because my soul won't give up hope...my mind and my heart or weak but apparently my soul is strong, my mind is starting to give up, what's next? I go through days feeling like a husk that's walking around doing things of it's own accord...lost...so lost...no one can dig me out of this but myself...I won't even listen to anyone anymore...I just don't care...I'm too angry...overwhelming anger...at myself and everyone around me...I don't want to hurt anyone...I don't want to hurt anyone...I don't want to hurt anyone...just me...hurt me...I can't take anymore pain inside, give me pain on the outside...make me feel alive...anger...want to hit something...rage...confusion...GAH! I'm a mess...