A Difficult Journey And A Dream Come True by Rolf

I want to share my experiences as a submissive man in Second Life over the past six months. It's about how I went from being an unconvincing switch at domestic discipline sims to becoming a sub serving mistresses in the femdom world. It's been a rocky journey; tears because of harsh punishment mixed with joy at submitting to a strict but loving mistress.

I will try to tell this without putting the blame on anyone for the bad things that have happened to me. Let the facts speak for themselves and you, the listener or reader, may draw your own conclusions. But if there is anyone I am critical of the most, it's myself for making mistakes along the way that led a mistress to punish me so severely I will remember it for the rest of my life in RL.

I have sometimes asked myself why I did not simply log off when Miss A (not her real name) abused me in public for 30 minutes on Friday morning March 9th at a femdom sim (not the Dominion). I had told her public humiliation, especially when linked to the subject of spanking, was my worst nightmare, the worst she could do to me.

But let's start from the beginning.

Having been away from SL for a few years, I returned last December. I had previously worked for the Swedish government in SL, but now that I was back without an official function I decided to reveal my kinky side. I began to visit spanking sims, introducing myself as a switch, but soon found the role play in domestic discipline pathetic. I wanted real play.

Miss Dilly Wycliffe, a domestic discipline mistress I learned to know well, said I should embrace my submissive side 100 percent and learn the ways of a sub at femdom sims. I followed her advice and started teleporting to Velvet Thorn where at first I was appalled to find men kneeling in front of mistresses who kept them on leashes. It looked humiliating and I wondered what I was doing there, but I found it an absolute turn-on to talk to mistresses because, for as long as I remember, I have dreamed of being dominated by authoritative women. Also, unlike in domestic discipline, I found that many used voice here so I knew I was talking to a woman, not some male truck driver from Oklahoma disguised as a female avatar.

In late February I ran into a senior mistress, Miss A, who took me under her wings and promised to train me to become a good sub. She told me she was into sensual domination which sounded reassuring to a beginner like me. At the first training session, Miss A explained the meaning of a collar in her calm American accent and the moment she collared and leashed me I sensed I had come home in SL. I realised I loved being on a leash!

I felt my SL dream was about to come true, but it soon turned into a nightmare.

Miss A, angered that I had forgotten to give her a submissive hug a few times, ordered me to write 100 punishment lines in Word - "I will remember my greetings to Miss A" - and email them to her. I must confess that I only wrote 70 lines because it was so time-consuming and I copied and pasted the remaining 30. That was the only time I lied to her, but I did learn a lesson.

She taught me many practical details, including how to write commands such as "/1 rhnadu" in chat and when to use them, how to address mistresses and how to behave in general at a femdom sim. Today, whenever I enter the Dominion or some other strict femdom sim, I go through a check list I memorised as a result of the training I received from Miss A.

I did have great difficulties however adhering to her rule that I must refrain from masturbating when off line. She explained, to my surprise, that my cock belongs to my wife and my mistress. It just happened to be attached to my body and she said most mistresses maintained that rule. Also, I was only to cum when she gave me permission. Of course I wanked off without permission a few times but was honest enough to tell her. For these transgressions I was punished in various ways, such as not being allowed to communicate with her in voice for 24 hours.

Halfway through the training, I met Miss Delila Piers, a fun-loving domme and a warm personality who took an interest in me - possibly because I made her laugh. She became my confidant during the training. I certainly needed her advice because the training, which lasted three weeks, was turning into a virtual boot camp.

Miss A had told me at the outset she may not always be fair, and she was true to her word.

One morning in early March I was due to meet Miss A for my daily one-hour training and I was convinced we had agreed the time - 10am UK time. I logged on 20 minutes early only to be pulled before her at the femdom sim where she reigned supreme. She rebuked me for being one hour and 40 minutes late and said I must never keep a mistress waiting. I protested my innocence, saying I was 20 minutes early.

Fearing punishment, I did not notice three other mistresses lay on couches in the courtyard and Miss A was quick to point out that I must greet them. I apologised profusely and greeted them all by name and title. One later told me: "When you fail, you get extremely nervous and vulnerable. Pretty open for humiliation then."

Miss A dragged me to a dungeon where she stripped my avatar nude and left it in a kneeling position with a hard-on. I was ordered to stay in this humiliating position until someone arrived in the dungeon, write a few words in chat, then leave. Twenty minutes later a friendly mistress showed up to my relief and I was able to TP away.

Later that day I took part in a voice conversation with a fellow sub and Miss B (not her real name), an American mistress with a nice voice. She said she loved spanking boys and I wanted to know more of course, always interested in talking to mistresses. She allowed me to befriend her. A few hours later I sent her two IMs suggesting we discuss the matter of spanking further, but she declined, saying she was busy. I thought that was the end of it, but I was wrong.

The following morning, Friday March 9th, I logged on two hours early for my training session with Miss A because I wanted to make sure she could not accuse me of being late. I had practised kneeling positions for my avatar and was expected to show them to her. Hoping for praise, I gave her a submissive hug but was taken back to the ominous dungeon. Miss A told me I had been reported for making inappropriate contact in IM with Miss B.

Miss A made my avatar bend over a spanking horse while scolding me and told me to put spanking marks on the bottom. I was to kneel head down at her feet, my bottom sticking into the air in front of a dozen mistresses and fellow subs. I had to be quiet and endure the humiliation for as long as she deemed fit. I begged her not to expose me in this way,  but I soon found myself in that awkward position in the courtyard unable to move away because of RLV.

"Stop whining Rolf," Miss A warned me in IM.

"Yes Miss, sorry."

"This is your punishment."

I suffered. "I wish there were not so many people in the room. I am so embarrassed. This is real punishment you are administering on me Miss. And you know it..."

"Yes," she wrote before joining the discussion in the courtyard in voice.

I heard someone calling me a "baboon" because of the red bum and Miss A told them she was pushing my limits a little. One sub,  a good friend of mine, left in disgust because he could not stand seeing me being humiliated.

I could have logged off,  but I saw it as a endurance test and if I failed she would drop me and, frankly, I did not realise how deeply she was hurting me. My reaction came later.

After 30 minutes she announced to the room that my "purgatory" was over and released me. I begged her in IM to follow me to my skybox and comfort me because I felt devastated. She agreed but once there she used her controls to force my avatar into self-spanking just to rub it in that I had made inappropriate contact with a mistress. I was mortified because I used to spank myself in secret as a teenager in RL.

Finally, Miss A started to speak to me in a nice way and explained that my punishment had been necessary to correct my behaviour. Wanting to end the morning on a good note, she encouraged me to stroke my cock in RL but the last thing on my mind was getting an erection. I managed to cum at her command not because I wanted to but because I felt I had to please her.

She told me to write her an email about how I felt and allowed me to log off. I went straight to bed in RL, hid under the blanket like a child and wept bitter tears. I felt worthless after the public punishment, a fool who deserved to be abused by my mistress in the worst possible manner. I was wallowing in self-pity and destructive thoughts. Finally I got up and drove to the gym for a swim, but in the shower I burst into tears again. I then went back home to write the email.

Having read my email, Miss A must have been worried and when we were online she invited me to dance - bless her - at an event in the evening and to accompany her to a gallery afterwards. I felt better and Miss Delila helped with the aftercare upon hearing what Miss A had put me through.

A few days later I had the courage to write an email to Miss A: "You have opened a new world to me. But maybe I am not strong enough for that world of yours. You are often scary, almost too powerful for  me because you know how to hurt my mind."

She replied: "A good Domme, an experienced Domme, knows her sub, knows how to mold him the way she wants him to be."

I didn't know better at the time but I actually believed that it was common in the femdom world for a sub to fear his mistress in a RL sense. I would sometimes lie sleepless at night, worried what she had in store for me in the morning but still I would often tell Miss A that I loved her.

All could have been well had I not made the mistake, as Miss Delila noted later, of consulting the fellow sub who had left the courtyard in disgust and a mistress friend of mine. They convinced me that Miss A had been reckless in violating a hard limit of mine and said she ought to apologise. They meant well but I became depressed again.

On a Sunday afternoon shortly afterwards, my mind in turmoil, I drank nearly two bottles of wine before I logged on to attend a discussion at the sim. Miss B was there and in an IM I accused her of having stabbed me in the back by reporting me to Miss A. Did she not understand how I had been made to suffer?  Could she not have just told me off? I would have stopped contacting her immediately. Miss B muted me and reported me once more to Miss A who told me on March 21 that the other mistress had had no influence over the way I had been punished.

I apologised but Miss A wrote in an email that I was no longer welcome at the sim. One of her sidekicks, a sub who adores her, had suggested that being humiliated in public was a secret fetish of mine and that I had made up a story about having been hurt. It was said that I had even instigated the punishment! Blimey, I thought, I must be some operator...

Anyway, I was declared guilty of  "social abuse and manipulation". Miss A said she would never talk to me again and she has kept her word despite several attempts of mine at reconciliation. I even wrote a song for Miss A, "Blues for a Lady", a song I have played on the guitar twice at the Dominion.

I recently encountered Miss B in the clearing at the Dominion. I was kneeling alongside a few other subs when she spotted me. She told everyone: "Rolf is mental, an idiot."

Miss Delila collared me soon after Miss A had severed relations with me and I started to enjoy serving a mistress without fearing her most of the time. Miss Delila took me to the Dominion to stop me worrying about going there. Miss A had warned me against visiting the Dominion unaccompanied because she said mistresses there were ruthless to subs. I thought to myself at the time, look who is talking! I found that the Dominion is a well organised sim with lots of fun events and a sub who gets into trouble only has himself to blame. Mistresses are strict, but for a reason, I thought.

I had many magic moments with Miss Delila who introduced me to being taken from behind, something Miss A had threatened to do to me as punishment. But in an erotic context, I learned to love being dominated in such a kinky way.

Miss Delila suggested that I attend a slave auction one Saturday night while she was away working in RL. I was afraid to go on my own, the warnings from Miss A still ringing in my ears, and instead went dancing with a female friend. Miss Delila came online unexpectedly and saw that I was not at the auction. She was not amused. She took me to task, telling me off for disobeying her. Miss Delila may have the sweetest voice in SL but she had a way of scolding me into oblivion.

Shortly afterwards Miss Delila dumped me for various reasons, including the fact that she found it impossible to control my wanking. She had also been annoyed that I was running around talking to mistresses and for being a serial attention seeker. I was furious with myself for having let her down.

I then fell into the arms of an American woman I had met at a dance and who wanted to spank me. We had some fun together but I realised she was not a domme and she had never been to a femdom sim. She asked me to train her to become a mistress (!) and became increasingly rude to me to the point where I asked to be released after 10 days.

Miss Delila, learning I was un-owned again, promptly collared me to avoid me making further mistakes and said she would inspect and approve of any mistress who showed an interest in owning me. Shortly afterwards I met Miss Lilith Ivory, a German mistress, at a dance and we started talking. We are roughly the same age group and, although I nowadays live in England, I have worked many years in Germany so we had several things in common.

Miss Delila agreed to meet Miss Lilith in late April and the experience of kneeling before them they talked over my head about me was sublime. I was not allowed to speak as they discussed what to do with me and I truly enjoyed this way of passive submissiveness. They agreed a schedule for when I was to serve them separately on a daily basis during weekdays. Luckily, I work from home in RL and can easily spend three hours a day online.

Notably, Miss Delila told Miss Lilith: "I don't know what kind of restrictions you were looking to set on Rolf but orgasm control he cannot do. He's too impulsive and doesn't think about the consequences."

Miss Lilith reassured her that she had had some success with other subs in the past and would have a go. It took her three days to train me to control myself and I am proud to say I have not failed her once for the past three months! She is still struggling to curb my ego though.

Miss Lilith took me to a slave auction where I did a running commentary to her in IM about the boys on sale. One played the guitar for the ladies and I wrote to Miss Lilith that I could play 10 times better than him. That's probably true but I am not supposed to boast like that.

Miss Delila hit the ceiling when she learned about my vanity and ordered me to be sold at the slave auction, to be used by a mistress for three days, so I would experience for myself how vulnerable a sub feels while on the block. I became extremely worried and said I could not face such public humiliation, my avatar sitting naked in front of all these mistresses. Miss Delila became fed up with my dithering and passed me on to Miss Lilith for full-time service.

My German mistress collared me on May 15 and we have now been together for more than three months. She has appointed Lady Natt as my "nanny" to keep me from getting into trouble at the Dominion when she herself is offline. I have to ask Lady Natt for permission every time I want to say something in chat or voice. Miss Delila laughed her head off when she learned of this arrangement. I share many laughs with Miss Delila these days about the time when she would scold me silly for various offenses.

Lady Natt, who is Swedish like me, soon introduced me to a cage, which she put me in just for fun. Something clicked inside me and I had found another kink. Miss Lilith now locks me into a glass cage for an hour whenever she wants me to do some homework such as tidying up my inventory. I am finishing this story sitting in the cage in her mansion.

Secretly, I hope she would give me more work to do because I so enjoy being locked up with a timer in place.

Meanwhile, Miss Lilith has been using me in semi-public situations, nudging me into accepting that most of my limits can safely be done away with and it would be churlish of me to deny my mistress her pleasures. I took a major step forward in accepting to be handled in front of other people when she flogged my avatar over a beam at her mansion as Lady Natt, Miss Delila and Lady Cimmerian looked on with three subs also in attendance.

I actually liked it, something which Miss Delila ("I told you so") had predicted all along, but it was a far cry from when Miss A abused me in public back in March.

Miss Lilith often says she is pleased with the basic training I received from Miss A. She rarely needs to correct me and when she does she lets the punishment fit the crime, also realising how sensitive I can be. I obviously accept that I must be punished in a RL sense of the word if I have let my mistress down.

I live my dream now in SL. Miss Lilith and Lady Natt jumped on me recently, giggling, and made me bend over for a mock whipping. That was my happiest day so far in SL, being dominated in a playful manner by these two strict but loving mistresses of the Dominion. I don't know how long this is going to last, but I enjoy every day.

Rolf Hultcrantz