Internal Fight - Kyna

I haven't been writing in a while, mostly because my life has been mostly chaos. Granted i have a lot of time because i still don't have a job in rl. Which is bad for me, if i'm not moving forward i start to sink into depression.

I genreally have S.A.D which if short for seasonal Affective Disorder. Winters have always been hard for me, luckily i have had sunshine here.

As much as i have a lot going wrong i do have a lot looking good. I have many friends here online, I have my BF, and i have Miss Veronica I am getting to know. Who doesn't know i have written this yet. But she when when i send it.

I did tell her i do have these problems, and she is very caring and has been wonderful at motivating me. I try to return the favour as much as i can. I know as i am getting to know the subtle signals of her communication. She does as well.

Lately i know most have noticed i haven't been around. I have been in real Life, trying to fight this depression. I have been clinging to my Boyfriend because physical contact has been helpful.

I even found myself trying to hide my feelings from Miss Veronica, not wanting to be a burden. Even though deep down i know i shouldn't. She had told me many times she wishes to know me. I am generally an honest open book.

Its been hard to fight my usual actions, before i met everyone here, i would do disappearing acts. Not to attention. I go into a hibernation until the depression passes. Its been hard trying to log in now.

I know when i'm like this i need people more than ever, my friends and such. Its part of the reason i have been in RL and away. Because they are physically here. I know people are there on the other side of the screen.

But as i am a sensualist, what i can't get here on second life is and always will be is that physical contact. I will be loyal to the end, but as i embark on this i wonder how deep can this go for me.

This doesn't mean i am giving up, but maybe by writing thing i can continue to understand and see what happens. So if i seem sporatic, well i am right now, but i care for you all deeply.