Happiness confession - Zaira

This is not a story or a poem, it is not fiction, dreamt up from my imagination
It is not physical or action, it is not a scene
My confession is very much real

I would like to confess that I am happy

Yes, that is the main point in my confession, I am happy

Often I mask happiness, I try not to shout about it
If I am asked how I am, I will smile and say "fine", "good", or if you're lucky "I'm doing really well"
I am not the only one, we smile and say we are fine even when we are not
When I am not fine, writing pours of of me without thought
It is effortless and filled with the rawness of my true emotions

I have never struggled over a piece of writing as I have done with this confession, That I am happy

I confess that I am a worrier, that I over think things and try to balance them out

A little while ago, I wrote a piece for confessions.
I did not read it, I could not read it without crying

I used the picture of a path, and my journey along it.
I often think of my life in this way
It detailed the darkness I felt and the stars which shone bright for me at that time.
My stars knew who they were, and still do
At the end, I hoped in time for a sun to appear from them
For one star to be closer

Even at the time of writing it, I knew a star was moving closer, or I to it .. perhaps both
The star, is now very much a sun, and brightly sending rays against me

Close now as I move forwards, the steps along the path and the direction I go is guided by the light.

I confess that my path, currently is a little scary.
It is scary in ways I would never have allowed to happen in the past.
My sun lives on the same piece of land as I do, and its not a very large piece of land.

I confess that I feel ready to let someone who is physically close to me, own me
I confess that I have no desire to stop it
It feels right and safe
It feels like I am being stretched and pushed, encouraged slowly to grow and develop
Have I mentioned that I am happy?

Since my sun has taken its place I have felt like I am walking on clouds
Some days I think it is sinking in, and then when you appear I am filled with delight as strong as the first day
I do not feel like I have to be online, when you are all the time
I light up when I get a hello pop up unexpectedly on my screen
When I log in and you are here, when you wouldn't usually be it feels like christmas come early

When you attach the leash I am filled with delight
When you call me "my girl", I confess that the majority of my thoughts leave my head

I do have other emotions I need to confess,

Excitement. Nervous excitement to be exact. In 3 weeks time I will be with my sun once more in real life.
She has sent rays down in the distance, to show or tease me with things that could, may or may never happen
but she knows the effect these flickers, these "maybe I will's" have on me
I confess that they excite me, often they arouse me, they make me nervous

I know, that regardless of what happens when we meet, I will have spent time with the person who owns me, who dominates me
I confess that I have never done this before in the flesh
I confess that I play over this prospect in my mind daily, and replay the last time just as often

It is hard, to let go when you are hurting, and let yourself be happy
It is easier to stay with the hurt, and not let anyone close again
I confess I am happy, Mistress..
Actually, I confess that when I say I am happy the word does not feel quite big enough for how I feel right now