To Someone in Particular - Anon

To Someone in Particular

I remember the day we met, and the reason we started talking. I screamed like a girl, but it was a damn big spider, ok? I called you Josh, because I thought that's what he said your name was, but of course I was wrong. I was so embarassed when I found out, and I asked why you hadn't corrected me. "I didn't care what you called me, as long as you were talking to me."

Of course I remember. Because you won't let me forget. You get some kind of perverse joy out of quoting yourself, out of reminding me of what we used to mean to each other. You want me to think that you're just that devoted, that you won't give up on love that easily. But you're a manipulative son of a bitch, you know that? If your 'heartfelt confession' doesn't reduce me to tears, you up the ante, until you know you're hurt me.

What's the point? It is really worth ruining all of the good memories we have, just to know that I'm hurting as bad as you? I am, ok? I didn't want to do this. Watching you leave hurts more than anything I've felt before - or it would, if you would actually leave. All I've wanted since I made you mine was to keep you in my arms forever. If there was a way, I would find it. You used to know that.

So tell me, please, why you feel the need to torture me? What happened to the love and understanding you said you'd always give me? What the fuck happened to you?

You know what? I'm done. I'd hoped I'd never have to put up walls, never have to keep you out. But you're not the person I fell in love with, the person I was so proud to own. You can beat yourself bloody against the barriers I've erected, for all I care. And I have a feeling that you will.

You want a confession? Here it is. If you don't shut the fuck up, you'll never have the chance to speak to me again. And I can't wait until you realize that you want that chance. Let's just hope it won't be too late.