Laying it on the Table. anon Domme

*Laying it on the Table*

I agreed to *lay it on the table*. So we met.

*I don't really know you * he said

I looked at him in astonishment and sheer speechlessness. Who was this boy? Was it the boy I had loved and cared for, for 12 months as Mine. The boy I had laughed with, cried with, danced with, disciplined, supported, listened to, talked to, played with, been part of my Sl family, stretched myself for .. the boy who had whispered *I love you * many times in my ear.

*It doesn't really crossover into my rl, because I don't really know you*..it's not *real* ...the words kept reverberating in my brain as he repeated them.. bouncing off my seemingly dead receptors, trying to find a place to lodge that might give some understanding, some comprehension to this strange foreign language he was speaking.

"I'm afraid* he said.... again the words would not compute. " I sometimes feel scared at what you will do to me .. I don't want to come in somtimes because I'm scared. I want to please you, so I havn't said anythin". Again, no signals were being recieved. Who was this boy?

"I go to Dominion, I see all the beautiful avs and it's just not real. I'm in the lifestyle in rl, I live it , breathe it and it's just not real. Nobody looks like that. " Who was this boy?

And then..
"I don't want to leave you, I care for you, I do" love" you. It was my fault, I should have communicated..he said.

I sat there letting the storms of feelings and confusion wash over me. Knowing I had to let him go. Knowing I could not trust what he said anymore. Here I was a strong powerful Domme, feeling my heart get shot to pieces, feeling it scream inside of me, feeling betrayal, feeling inadequate, feeling like I had failed, feeling I did not know what was *real* anymore, the footing was loose and I was falling.

I sat there and could say nothing as my voice would not work.. the emotion clogging my throat and capacity to speak. I wrote my farewell in nice clean text, crisp and neat, with no blurry teary lines to mess up the meaning. I wrote so calmly and so composed. *I love you but I cannot go forward*.I was sorry he had felt this way and I did not know . I wrote some nice well meaning words for a good future and best wishes, thanked him for being finally honest and i hoped everything worked out in his life.

He made a quick goodbye. I know he was churning inside, but I could do nothing this time but watch him go.

The cards had been laid on the *table* and the table had been turned upside down as they flew off and shattered my reality. I no longer knew which way was up. The *table* was on it's head.

The little blue flag appeared at the bottom of my screen.
"XXXX is offline" Then it disappeared. A piece of my heart went with it. My confidence and trust l laid like confetti in tatters around it.