Secret
I heard her voice before I saw her.
“Hello Ladies….Hi subbies…..how is everyone this evening?”
Her unique accent tinkled thru me like I was filled with little silver bells.
I resisted turning to see her, but I could feel her gaze on me…like a sudden breeze.
From my left she strolled into view, stood for a moment in indecision.
Then moved to a chair across the courtyard and clicked for a seat.
She’s wearing her Dominion Mistress tag this evening.
She sometimes forgets and leaves the name of the latest dance club she’s been to above her avi.
My avi is facing toward a group of subs in the back of the courtyard.
But….my perv cam view….slides to her.
Zooms up on her face….her beautiful pixel face.
I’m not crazy you know…..I know she’s only electrons flashing on my screen.
But my heart and my brain…they don’t always…communicate.
My gaze……and cam…..slide down her slender form.
Tight leather tonight, fitted to emphasize her….abundant cleavage.
Her long avi legs crossed at the knees, foot swinging..... slowly...... back..and forth.
She’s voicing…saying hello to me…just me…..
I don’t voice…..I can’t...home situation too…..unstable.
Can’t say the things I would like..... with him….around.
And …besides….I would be tongue tied with her.
I would just….babble…say foolish things.
I’m better in type….I can think…I can organize my thoughts…
I can pretend to be …..just another Mistress….an equal in the courtyard.
But… she knows… she…..knows my secret.
Even through her pixel eyes….she sees through me.
Knows my secret desires.
The boys are gathering around her now.
They always do….all the little unworthy pricks.
They have no idea how to serve her.
They don’t know her heart, her soul….they don’t know her…..body
As I know it……at least in my fantasies….in my darkest thoughts.
Oh god…what am I doing….letting my mind wander…
I haven’t even responded to her yet…
“Yes, yes uh hello…..I uh didn’t see you come in….Hi!”
Yes….I type like I think…..stammer and all…
A little affectation….but……that’s me.
Boys joking now, making teasing comments….vying for her attention.
I sit here….by myself….watching the action.
Remembering ….our times together.
Long conversations in the courtyard….during dances..... events.... while chasing down subs on the hunts.
Hidden IM talks while the others swirl around us with their own interests.
We know each other so well now….and she knows my secret.
Oh no….I haven’t told her…..I can’t make myself say the words.
I will never say switch.
But….she knows……she knows what’s in my heart.
She also knows….as I know….that it can never be.
I won’t do it….I can’t do it.
I am what I am…..I am Domme….I will not submit.
I need the control…I must make order…the power is my salvation.
Except…she calls me dear…..she... whispers my name.
She breaths little scenes into my mind and my breath comes quick.
She teases me in IM .....even as she taunts the boy subbies in local.
She is smart, and quick and funny and subtle…
She…..is my secret.
She ….is my torment.
Alone….so rarely alone with her.
But just a few times….just an intoxicating few times we have stolen away.
To some deserted sim, some desert Isle, some snow bound chalet.
Away from the rules…the conventions…
A short while…when we drop the titles, and pretense
A fleeting moment when she orders….and I obey.
A few hours when I can be this …..other me.
The adoring, obedient, docile….. whore.
Her toy, her panting plaything…her……SL love.
But now….No….not now…Not here.
Here I am Mistress, here I am strong
Here I am what I must be…what my soul commands.
What my life…my RL life demands of me in this SL dream.
I look away….I admonish a boy that has been standing too long in the center of the courtyard.
I call over a free subbie to kneel by me….a good boy…..but….
Only a boy.
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