Finding True Submission By Jerbo

I sit here looking at my keyboard and wonder how I reached this point

in my life. It all seemed to begin innocently enough, with finding

out about SL through school and being intrigued by the rich visual

stimulation that abounded there.

I begin my journey like most if not all male 'noobs', by being

intrigued by the sexual flavor of SL and the many adult sims that

abounded. However, I soon tired of them all and chanced upon a couple

that were into the lifestyle. Taking me under their wing, I soon

realised that I was just as intrigued by this new expression and asked

to be instructed in how all this worked.

"Dom or submissive?", I was asked.

"What do you mean?", I said.

"Well, do you want to be a dominate, and be the ones to instruct and

command, or submissive and take the commands of others?"

I thought for a few and then replied "Submissive. Because if I were

ever to be a Dom, then I would want to know what it is to be

submissive." This from the reasoning that you want to know about

someone, then you need to walk a mile in their shoes.

So, it began, my training (at least from an SL point of view,) was to

be locked down, not able to leave my cell, not able to TP out, IM,

etc. At first it was not so bad, but then I began to want to explore

and not being able to, I soon realised that I needed to gain my

Domme's favor in order to be free. However, I was surprised that I

was just as pleased as She was when I was able to please Her. And

this new found feeling lead me in the long run to accept my

submissiveness as what I truly wanted.

Skip ahead a year and a few Mistresses that I have had the luck of

knowing very well, and then finding myself sitting contently in the

courtyard, greeting the Ladys, and general chit chat with all that

come and go. Helping out the occasional new guest, and guiding them

into finding their place at Dominion. For I have now found that it is

not the edging, or verbal commands, or any other typical BDSM that I

enjoyed, but the simple ability to serve all that I can, even if it is

a simple "Hello Miss."

And this lead me to another realisation in my RL that was missing,

until one day when my wife caught me in a Role Play situation. That

the one most that I wish to please is Her. Yes, being married and in

SL has its disadvantages, especially when one partner does not know,

or accept the way I wish to be in SL. I participated in the

discussion a few weeks ago about RL relationships and how SL affects

them. Many things were tossed about and I even gave my opinion that

I was trying to get out of SL what I was missing from my RL. Even

going so far as to say that I could not tell Her because she would not

understand.

Well, after that day and my getting 'caught' as it were, we have since

patched things up, but on the condition that I not go into SL again.

HOW COULD I DO THIS! SL has become a staple in my life to enable me

to serve and be appreciated! That was the reason I always came to

Dominion. I was always appreciated. And respected so much that in

the end, prior to my leaving, I was asked to be a liaison for

Dominion, an honor that I had cherished to get.

But, on thinking and contemplating, I finally had an epiphany. That

to be a submissive is not about gaining appreciation or adoration, but

to serve without the expectation of getting any of that. You see, I

always used the excuse of being in SL that I never got any respect

from my spouse, and that I craved it. And I still do crave the

respect and praise from Her. BUT, now I know that I just did not try

hard enough and simply ran to SL as my escape and easy fix. Also, that

as has been taught to me and that I finally understand, is that I have

a gift. And that gift is precious and not to be given lightly. But

that gift is also mine to give not to be taken from me.

So I gave that gift back to the one who it truly belongs. And you

know, I have found a new purpose, to serve Her that I also love. And

it is working. I have found that even though I don't get praise and

adoration all the time, the times that I do, is worth all the troubles

and pain I have had in getting there.

So I am not in SL any more (I do log only long enough to clear IM's

and notices, and to just keep my account active, in the event that She

changes her mind and allows me back.) But I think of all of you and

your kindness that you all have shown.

I thank the following that have been so important in my SL life. Miss

Namie Charisma who trained me, Miss Tora Maven, my first Mistress,

Miss Cosette Firelyte who gave me a wonderful makeover, Miss Cera

Rhapsody, who gave me such insight into being a true submissive. Lady

Jem, who sought to train me in the end, but time ran out. Lady

Destiny Teardrop, who always had an ear to lend when I needed it. And

thank you also to Lady Sue, Lady Maisy, Lady Maylea, Lady Mandalay,

Lady Medusa, Lady Kivrin, Lady Violet, Miss Orchid.

And a special thanks go to Lady Eva, who always made me feel at home.

Also, thank you to my subbie friends, Erowyn, Gregie, Silk, ShyGuy,

Wheels, Zaira, you will all be missed.

Will I ever be back? I hope never, but that is only because I finally

found in RL what I always had in SL, the ability to serve.

--------------------

Thank you Lady Destiny, I miss you All.