Confession - Gia

I’ll just write this down, with hopes that you’ll understand

By: Gia Reverie

Just for personal reference, I'm literally typing the first things that come to my mind. So if this entry makes no sense at all, I apologize. I will say anything and everything that flashes through my mind, so long as I have the ability to type it.

I can't even begin to explain the oily knot of emotions that is sitting in the hollow of my chest. To the left of my heart, and directly above my left lung. Behind my ribs. Close to the scar on my breastbone, but not too close.

Oh, to adore Someone with all your being. It seems to fill you with life and suck it out of you all at once. To listen attentively to every active word They speak, getting goosebumps and chills just from simply being in Their presents. Knees weak and voice shaky, no words that seep from your mouth can ever be worthy of Their time. You can never express your adoration, however, because you’re simply nor will you ever be good enough for Them.

Compared to You I feel boring and bland.

So what matters now? Everything and nothing, all at once. I feel lost and confused, in a strange, blackened world with no map. My compass broke a long time ago. The sun never shines, and the sky is upside down. The moon is in the ground, and trees grow down from the sky.

Some use the stars as a guide; I use the scars on my wrist and forearm. They give me the best direction I could ever hope for. They are my salvation in my time of turmoil.

My lips are dry and sore from lack of use. They want to kiss the puckered scars lining a tragic wrist. They want to caress the skin of desperation with little fairy kisses. But, the only flesh they will taste is mine own. And that saddens them. They would cry, if they had tear ducts.

I've said a lot of nothing so far, haven't I? I'm sorry for you, if you've read this. Some things are better left untold.