Past Reflection

Submitted anonymously by a submissive of the Dominion.

A late January evening, the winter weather was tremendously horrible with snow everywhere, yet a perfect atmosphere to write. Reflecting on many things, my pen flowing rapidly, and carefree, a wild thought passed by. For some reason, I suddenly thought back into the end of July. During a cool breezy night, autumn just around the corner, I was shaking up the nightlife scene!
What I didn't know that particular night, is that I would collide with a female, that would change my life dramatically and possibly forever.
This impactful woman that I had met was Renee Scavone. Whether it was good or bad fortune, the path had already opened, and where it led would be one crazy adventure. Now you are most likely wondering, "Just who could be so important?" So an in depth look would be quite appropriate. and an array of details will be covered.
Who we had before us, was an ambitious young woman, with long flowing brown hair, usually colored blonde for mor accentuation, deep observing brown eyes, ones that always took everything in, you could easily get lost in them. A nice petite,even slender frame, no blemishes or flaws to her white skin, usually tinted with a nice golden tan, always presented with her best foot forward. Comparable to those of models, she definitely could increase the heart rate in a room rapidly, if not stop it in time altogether. As entrancing qualities as these may be, when standing in close proximity, you could inhale the blissful scent of her enriched perfume, a classy scent from Guess. Smooth skin to the touch, and kisses that tasted like strawberries, everything was completely phenomenal about her. However, what about any demons that lie within? Obviously picture-perfect beauty was a remarkable thing, however the depth to such a person, what makes them tick, are they as beautiful inside as well? These are truely the most important questions. She looked the part without any shadow of a doubt, but did acting ladylike, and acting the kind of person someone would want to be around, describe such a personality?
What you have here is a book that can't be judged by the cover, but sometimes the book just isn't worth reading at all. If you were to tell me that "You'd trust this person as far as you could throw her," I would have to ask you, "Despite being able to throw her far, would you even want to throw her?" What does someone that never has a bad looking day do exactly? Why are they so self concious about their image so much, that they become high maintenance? Does every charming beauty carry a dark side about them? These are some lessons I am learning the hard way. Renee is a young 21, with many aspirations and dreams, but no direction and aim to achieve, or even attempt accomplishing them. Basically a say one thing, and then get extremely different results persona. Believing in someone to the very core, having faith in her, all of these tested consistently by her nature. Just how well could you hold up mentally, when the biggest thing she wanted to do, was go party every weekend, hang out with friends, and continuously get hammered night in and night out. When the dust settles, the one place that remained true, was taking a backseat to everyone else.
Renee is definitely a flower, despite looking absolutely gorgeous, one constant remains. All flowers decay over time, and that beauty doesn't last an eternity. So with venomous charm and a radiant beauty, the inner complexities were full of idiosyncrasies. When she spoke, it occasionally gave me a sickening feeling, that of absolute disgust. When you held a conversation, words had to be picked carefully, or she would badger you. The kind of person that was lightning fast to turn the tables, but never containing enough humility to take any blame. I would even go as far as to call her "spoiled rotten," for lack of better words. A great example would be the typical conversation in getting to know her, "I have five best friends and countless other admirers, people don't know me, but they've heard of me!" Anybody with insight would be appalled almost immediately. Irony is a perfect word for this situation, covering her strong core belief in karma, yet such neglect in it, especially with how she acts towards others, myself most of all. The better you treat her, the further away you feel from her, maybe these are just barriers, or just what she likes to do, including sometimes giving pet names to every good friend or acquaintance, other names just absolutely inappropriate. I had fallen for someone so contradictory and complex, it was rather frightening. The destruction it created to loved ones, all of it just didn't matter. "I love you and have feelings for you, but I have to take things really slow, I'm just not ready for all of this."
Always hearing these words was enough to cling onto with ferocity, to want to believe. One of those women that walks around a mall with Chihuahua in purse, the kind you jokingly laugh at about on television. Well there she was right here in the flesh and convincingly trying to prove to not be a stereotype. She lived a luxurious life and made a lot of money. I myself even parted with over thirty-thousand dollars to such a silver-tongued woman. What it comes down to could be one simple thing; I was a casualty to a sweet stripper.
Now reflecting back on all of these times, reprimanding myself won't fix anything, but many lessons were learned. The path to enlightenment was hastened through plenteous hardships and mental challenges. So even knowing all this with an expressionless face, the lack of friends, and refusing to get out in general. In the purest simplicity of conclusions, I still talk to her this day, trying to be a friend, but ultimately labeled a mere fool that probably fell for the wrong woman. I had become as dull and dead as the winter itself.