Confession By Shy

The Most Difficult Week a Boy Can Experience

I have recently gone through a most difficult time in my relationship with Mistress. We have been together for 14 months now, and have grown so close. Our relationship has been almost perfect in every sense of the word, although like every good relationship we have had to work through a couple of rough points. Last week we had to work through one of the most difficult times in the past fourteen months.

Here is the story: During the weekend I was on sl quite a bit, stuck in a cage, waiting for Mistress. I was on quite a bit during the weekend with the sole purpose of spending time with the woman i worship, the woman i am completely devoted to, and the woman that I love. She wasn't on during the weekend and it bothered me a great deal. I am the first one to accept rl commitments, and understand they are to occur, but still I was very disappointed that I did not hear from Mistress over the weekend.

Anyway on Monday morning we spoke on skype, like we do almost every morning. I was very rude and disrespectful that morning to Mistress, expressing my feelings about the past weekend. I had not intended at all on being like that, but my emotions and feelings got the best of me and I said some things that I obviously shouldn't have. Mistress rightfully became very upset with me for my "scolding" her, and was quite angry with me. Honestly I have never ever seen her close to being that angry with me. Immediately I regretted what I had said, not because I was in trouble, but because I quickly realized that I had upset her. I love her so much, and all I want to do is make her happy, and that morning knowing I had disappointed her made me very regretful and sad.

She basically told me to leave and get on with my day. I was an absolute emotional mess that day, I couldn't concentrate on anything, and felt absolutely sick for what I did to her that morning. It bothered me the entire day, and I really only wanted to get home to apologize to her and beg for her forgiveness for my unspeakable behaviour.

She told me quite clearly that morning that it would never ever be my place to scold her for anything. I believe her exact words were that she does not answer to me in any way, shape, or form. I was to answer to her, and never ever scold her.

That evening I came home and we talked for a while. She outlined a very strict punishment for me which included not having her company for the week, being confined to the Dominion in jeans and sneakers, carrying a sign that read "I am a spoiled rotten ingrate piece of shit". Now keep in mind it was a very big sign!! She also told me that I was to write her a notecard each evening begging for forgiveness that would also include qualities that I believe should be present in my submission to her. I was also to kneel on rice for 20 minutes each night, during which time I was to pray for her forgiveness.

The week was pure hell for me. I could not stand being without her, I could not stand going without her attention. The rice, and the notecards were actually easy to handle, and I knew if I was to have any chance to gain her forgiveness I would have to do my punishment with pride and honor. She came on each night to check on me like the wonderfully amazing woman she is, but did not bend one bit on the punishment, something I absolutely respect in her, and have done so the entire time we have been together..

It was a most difficult week for me, not because I was doing this punishment, but because I knew it was hard for Mistress too, I had disappointed and upset her, and felt absolutely awful for what I did. Each day I felt like total shit, and beat myself up (not literally) every day because I had never ever wanted to upset her. I love her with all my heart, and knowing that my actions caused her to be upset made me very sad. I thought all week about my role in her life, my role as a sub. I wrote each night begging for forgiveness and prayed that she would take me back on Friday and find it somewhere in her wonderfully huge heart to forgive me. I was so upset that I might had screwed up something that has become an integral and wonderful part of my life.

On Friday morning Mistress came to the Dominion, released my restrictions, and let me back home. She had forgiven me for my actions but made it very clear that this type of behaviour would not be tolerated ever again. I was so eternally grateful for her gesture, and felt extremely lucky that she was willing to forgive me. We spent a wonderful weekend together and I worked extremely hard to ensure my submission to her was honest, true, and complete.

So what have I learned through this entire experience:

It is not my place ever to scold or correct Mistress. My existence is to serve her, please her, and submit to her completely.

I am so very lucky to have such a generous and forgiving Mistress.

I love her even more than I thought I did, and the thought of losing her last week made me physically ill. The week only served to reaffirm my complete love and devotion for her.

I must be completely devoted to Mistress, unconditionally at all times.

I have to be selfless in my behaviour and know that I need to forget about my needs, and only concentrate on Mistress' needs.

I am never to question Mistress on anything, no matter what.

I am not to contradict Mistress. What she says is gospel.

I must totally appreciate when she provides me with her attention, her love, her devotion for me, and appreciate everything she has done for me, and everything she will do for me.

I need to be gracious and thankful for her punishments, her direction, her guidance, and her Dominance, and most of all for her love.

Servitude - It is my place to serve her as she sees fit, when she sees fit. My job is to be her servant, to make her life better and easier.

I have to be honest at all times, and be truthful in my words and actions with her.

I have to prove to her that she can trust me in my words and actions. My word has to be my bond.

I have to focus my thoughts and emotions on her, and I have to know that the quality of my submission is measured by how much time i hold her in my thoughts and feelings. I have to be attentive to her needs and wants.

I have to be obedient and do what I am told without question or hesitation.

I have to strive to be a rewarding and entertaining part of her life.

I have to accept who and what I am, my good points and my bad points. Knowing my limitations and still keeping the thought that things can change and knowing I will change as well.

I have to communicate openly and honestly about what is in my heart and mind.

I have to be patient.

I have to be respectful at all times.

I have to willingly complete tasks set out by her, and I also need to apply my observations to the things I do that please her, knowing how to please her, doing what makes her happy, and making her proud of me through my words, actions, and behaviour all the time. I am in her service, and must make it my only mission to serve her all the time as she sees fit, whatever that might include.

It is my job to pamper her, please her, and bring her happiness.

It is my job to spoil her, treat her like she should be treated all the time.

My behaviour and actions are a reflection on Mistress. I must remember that all the time, and have to ensure that my behaviour does not reflect poorly on her.

I have to be proud of my submission, knowing it is my calling, my duty. I have to take pride in the fact that she is willing to have me as her submissive.

It is my job to suffer for her, all the time.

My job is to sacrifice for her, to ensure that my actions are a sacrifice to make her happy, to make her life better, and easier.

In closing Mistress, I say this to you in front of all your friends and colleagues. I am so very sorry for what I did last week. I love you endlessly, and am making it my mission to prove my worth to you every second of every day.

I love you Mistress Kivrin

shy