Release

It started like any other day, going to school on this particular day

and having to do with out seeing Mistress most of it. I did have a

break between classes and naturally logged on to see her and discuss

the issues that have been plaguing our relationship and getting to

know one another.

While waiting for her to log in, I began to put down my feelings on

what I felt it was to be s submissive, on having other pets in the

house, on restrictions, and other musings. Not to get into any

specifics but these were the views of a new submissive

that was trying to figure out where the world of BDSM and vanilla fit

together. Not meaning that vanilla ideas should replace any of the

things I have grown to understand in this lifestyle, but in how best

to understand the concepts of the BDSM lifestyle.

Mistress finally logged on and I let her know of what I had written

thinking it a confession of sorts, but in reality it was probably best

described as a list of how I felt and saw things.

Again only my views but I would hope to understood better as

Mistress guided me along. She took the note, read it, then asked me to

explain a part of it, which I did. She then a few minutes later said

she needed to lay down and that she was tired. So I bid her goodbye and

said I would be on later that evening and would see her then.

Driving home was uneventful and when I arrived home I logged and

Mistress had returned, and was dressed in a lovely blue gown.

"Mistress!", I said, "You look stunning! Going dancing?" "No.", she

replied. She then said there was a Munch at Dominion, and the topic

was the Goddess syndrome, or placing your Mistress so high up that

they are unapproachable. So we left for Dominion and attended a

wonderful discussion on this topic. Needless to say Mistress gave

some wonderful comments on if it becomes a burden and that you had to

constantly be coping with the sub on issues and problems, then there

was a problem.

We finished the discussion and said that we needed to go back home

because she wanted to talk. Upon arriving back home Mistress

directed me into the sitting room. Mistress then looked at me and

hearing the crack in her voice I knew something was wrong right away.

She then proceeded to tell me that with the Munch that it hit exactly

on the issue that She and I have been going round and round about.

My service to her....

You see, ever since I have been getting to know Mistress, I have

always been by her side. But as with all of us, we need our space

too. Mistress had tried to instill that idea to let her have space

from time to time but my inadequacy and insecurity to be away from her

lead me to do stupid things like IM her constantly, asking her friends

sub about if she were OK when I was not there, and so on. She had to

constantly sit down and talk with me concerning these matters.

So as I sat there hearing her voice break, because I knew how much she

cares for me, I began to cry, because I knew what was about to happen.

Could I beg at her feet saying I would change, probably. But I knew

it would make no difference. I know now my mistake, but I also know

that I have so much more to learn. Mistress told me on the first day

that she did not like to be smothered, and even though I tried in the

end to break away from that habit it was too little too late.

I hold no ill feeling for her as I packed my things, and prepared to

walk out that door. And we have talked since, and I still cherish

her smile and advice. I only hope one day I find someone, and that

she finds someone to make her as happy as she made me.

My best wishes to her.