Confession Taren

I can recall having to be a grown up before I even knew what being a kid meant. My parents had divorced when I was young and I was the oldest of four kids. My mother relied on me for her ear to bend for grown up issues and a shoulder to cry on that was too small to handle all those tears. I watched her go through men that treated her terrible and in turn learned things that I took into my grown up life.

I always thought that I would never be like her, that I would pick a good person to love me. To take care of me. To keep me safe and not scared. To run to for comfort and protection even if the thing inside me seemed tiny and insignificant. Needless to say I tried to be different than her, but alas I didn’t succeed. After being married three times and being the dominant personality in all three of my marriages, not by choice but by necessity, I have realized that I am not complete. I do not know what will make me complete, I do not know if this journey I have taken on in SL will help me to figure this out. I do know that men have constantly disappointed me in their ability to make me feel wanted and safe. I have more than a strong desire and pull to give myself to someone, mind body and soul but my walls are too high and too strong. I cannot let them down!!

I find that dominant women that I have met in SL have made me feel safer and more understood than anyone I have met in RL. I do not have any BDSM experience aside from a male Dom that I met here and that carried over into phone and some RL aspects, but he lives in the UK and so even though I feel this is a man I do trust and would allow myself to try and give up some of this power and control that I find to be such a burden now, I cannot! This man took a firm hand with me, he made me feel a sense of worth that I didn’t even know I had. He empowered me from my knees to take back my broken life and try to fix it piece by piece and not to be scared anymore.

Looking for someone to replace him has been a challenge and maybe because of the mothering that I had as a child looking for a Domme is my solution or part of it to me. My esteem, my worth, my mothering all seem to be wrapped up in this. I find women beautiful, I have often wondered if I am a lesbian and have only chosen men because that is what I thought I should do. I seem to have always done what I should do, but not because someone else made me but because I had no other choice. Am I in the right place? I do not know! But I think that as I have listened to some of these wonderfully inspiring women I have found a piece, maybe even two of the puzzle that has for so long been broken and stored away only waiting for someone to come and help me put it together.