Temp Thing by Heather

Sometimes I want to be like them. I want to know what it is like. I want to know how it feels. I am curious and scared. So I build walls. I build walls so I do not have to find out. My walls are not built on a strong foundation, but my walls are solid. They don't tumble easily.

I observe and watch. I watch the little finger motioning them over. The playful interaction. I watch them screw it up time and time again. I watch them be successful and be happy. It makes me smile, it makes me cringe with jealousy.

I want what they have, but I am scared to act like them. I'm too scared to open myself up all the way. I am scared of being hurt, I'm scared of the past repeating itself, I'm beyond scared of being replaced, by a boy.

I have male friends. Something I have not always had. It was something I did not want. But, I have found, over time, I can learn from them. I have learned they can be trusted. I have learned they are worth the relentless teasing. I have found fantastic male friends.

Sometimes I see cracks in my walls. I can see it happening. Even at this moment and it scares me to death. She is kind, warm hearted and she is right there with open arms.

A certain sim owner once said to me, "When you stop looking, that's when it will happen. I have no doubts about that." She was right. As usual. A certain very protective Confession host told me to go into the temp program with an open mind. And I did.

I wrote this last week during the temp program. I felt it was too personal to say all those words out loud. It still feels like that. It feels scary. It feels vulnerable. But it makes it worthwhile because of her.

Going in to the temp program I never ever expected it to end up in this result. I never thought my walls would crumble as fast as they did. It makes me cautious and happy at the same time.

That may seem like a paradox. But it makes perfect sense to me. Because in a way, she makes perfect sense to me. She's got a wicked sense of humor and she put up with me for quite some time. She got bonus points for that pretty quickly. She's awoken a part of me I thought was gone long ago. There's many nice things I could say about her. But for now, I'll keep at this.

I'm under her consideration. I couldn't be happier. Thank you, Lady Jem.