Things I've Learned

Submitted by: Superbus Atlas

Don't make the same mistake I did. You won't right? Knowing yourself can be the difference between genuine happiness and a big fuck up. And its amazing sometimes how we don't know ourselves.

So I went looking for a Mistress. Because that's what I wanted, I thought. And I found one, soon enough. And it was easy to convince myself that I wanted to be collared by her. She seemed to know what she was doing, and this was all new to me. Kind of exciting. Being alone with her was a massive thrill.

I came up with all kinds of stuff. I can be good with people. I felt that I really had to lay it on thick, how much I wanted to be hers, or she wouldn't be interested. That can create a pretty intense atmosphere. The next thing I knew, I had a collar around my neck, and I was owned. I went to bed that night pretty content.

The next day, things were different. I immediately regretted my decision. I knew it was a mistake. Everything had changed, and I had got myself into a mess. Again.

The right thing to do would be face up to the situation and sort it out. But I didn't do the right thing. Why bother? This is SL. You can just run away. Hey, it worked before.

One thing about reality is that you can't ever escape it. Run away from it, and it will come knocking at your door when you least expect it. Second Life isn't just a world separate from RL. Its a compartment in our lives, and though its easier to hide or stay away in SL, you cannot avoid the inevitable, just as you can't in real life. I hadn't even begun to complete the journey I set out on when I first went looking for a Mistress, and I had to carry on that journey. I wanted to go back. Coming back to SL, I felt again that things had changed. Because now I was beginning to understand myself better.

When you have need deep inside, you'll clutch at any opportunity to realise it. Being owned is such a powerful, primal experience, but if you're not owned by the right person, its as good a wearing a collar with nobody at all to hold the leash and lock you down. Finding an owner isn't a question of finding someone to hold your leash. It's not a question of finding *someone* at all. It's a question of finding the *right* one. When you feel collaring is a possibility, you can get swept up in the thrill of it, the headyness, the intoxication. Its like a river sweeping you downstream, and before you know it, you'll be swept over the edge. When there is the possibility of a collar, you have to check yourself. You have to imagine that collar around your neck, and you have to imagine your future owner holding that leash. And controlling everything about you. Owning you, and everything you do. And if there is the slightest sense of unease, of discomfort, of doubting, you have to stop right there. Stop it and let her know you are not ready. Maybe its just that the time isn't right. Or maybe you are about to make a very big mistake. But if you just carry on, you are throwing a dice, and if it lands the wrong way, both of you are going to end up hurt. But if she really is the right owner, she will still be there for you tomorrow.