Reflecting back on our first meet, seeing her for the first time was nerve racking and exciting. As she sat at the picnic table, with me walking towards her, she rose from the table and I could not believe how tiny this lady was. Her smile out shined the sun! As we embraced with a hug, her sent was intoxicating, she smelled as if she had showered in a meadow of flowers. Since that day she has brought my submission full circle.
Miss Bambi, for the most part is a sadist, and her ability to keep this bratty boy in a constant state of submission has at times tried her every nerve. As a submissive who has NEVER had a Mistress before, my enthusiasm and excitement continues to this day to be a source of good and PAIN for me and her as well. In the beginning, I was often accused of topping from the bottom, and found myself scratching my head, asking myself, WTF, “I am just really wanting to please her”. However, as time has gone by and our D/s relationship grows, I have learned very well what topping from the bottom is. Reflecting back I see how I would drop hints or even go as far as saying what I WANT…
As I reflect on this past year I cannot help but think of the many occasions when we have played. This takes me back to the second time we met, it was at a local park, again the smile and the embraces sent me to a place in my head where she could have said just about anything and I would have done it no questions asked. As we walked toward an area at the back of the park, out of view from the public, we found a park bench. She sat on the bench, as I started to sit, she looked at me, there was no smile, the look pierced me in a way I didn’t understand, the following words still ring in my ears.. Boy what are you doing? On your knees here in front of me… As I did my best to apologize , she instructed me, hands behind your back boy, now straighten up…. Good boy… How does that feel? I was unsure what to say or even think. I think I mumbled something to the effect of” it is fine”… Again her look now with a little grin as if, she was thinking… Really? Fine? , as she corrected me, saying “it is fine Miss”….. Yes of course… It is fine Miss….. What was I thinking…. You dumbass she is a Domme, address her the right way… Thinking to myself, shit what is the right way, will it always be Miss, mistress, oh shit do I ask her? Do I wait for the next command? My anxiety was relieved when she said, from now it will always be Miss…. OMG can she read my mind???
As I said before Miss is a sadist and loves seeing me struggle either in a scene or even with task she gives. I have found that this gives her great enjoyment and I learned early on in my submission to her, that I in fact also love pain Looking back I see how she has nurtured that kink in me, she started off very slow testing my limits of pain and I found that I am very much a pain slut, as she puts it. Humiliation is a great sense of enjoyment for her as well. However, this confession isn’t about kink, it isn’t about scenes, it is a task of reflection in my submission to her and how far it has come.
My submission has grown and continues to be a work in progress, I often hear subs in second life come to the court yard and say they will do ANYTHING to serve a Miss. I found myself early on thinking in SL and even today thinking…., HOW in the hell can that even be possible over a computer. However, I can relate to the fantasy of 24/7 service to a Mistress. Being a real life service submissive to Miss Bambi, I have learned that I do long for 24/7 service and this has been a struggle for me.
We are RL, however our relationship is a bit different and for reason I won’t state here cannot be 24/7….. We see each other as often as possible and I still melt every time we are together. In her presence I find myself dropping into sub mode.. Some might ask what the hell is he saying, what I am saying is there is a balancing act for me as a submissive. Serving her needs and everyday life has proven to be a struggle for me and I know at times for her.
Here’s an example:
I was excited about a task Miss had given me, but while doing the task something switched in my head and I felt anger and I was struggling with this task……, I couldn’t get a hold of her and freaked the fuck out. When we did talk the next day I blamed her and was very mad at her… to the point that I no longer wanted to be with her…. This rough patch for us was about communication, Miss didn’t understand what was going on, and honestly I didn’t either…. This is the point where I realized that IN real life D/s other things come up and there will be times I WILL just have to wait.,.,.. I still struggle a bit with this even today… However, after a period of time we worked through it… I have come to the conclusion it was all about communication. For me I have to know that I can Communicate with my Miss when I feel I need to, however, it doesn’t mean she will always have the time for me when I think I need it…. But I do know she will address any issue I have when the time is right….
One of the biggest and most important aspects is learning her moods, tones, and looks. Knowing when I can be proactive in making her life easier and stress free has been the toughest part of being her submissive. Knowing when to be passive and shut up is the hardest thing for me, in that I am so excited when we are together, taking the initiative in doing something can be just as bad as not doing anything at all. So reflecting back over the year, I have learned her likes and dislikes, and with all that being said we click very well, however, I still struggle with knowing what she wants or what to do from time to time.
Reflecting back to my comment about submissive saying they would do ANYTHING to serve a Miss….. I do have limits and Miss respects those limits even though she continues to push them, and I do struggle when she does, but what makes this D/s relationship so hot is, she nurtures my submission and I have learned that she will always allow me to discuss my struggles with her. So with that being said, I would literally do anything she wants…… Why do I say this, because I have come to love her and trust her like no other person I have ever encountered in my life…. Keep in mind this is RL and not a fantasy….
Miss Bambi has and continues to be the only Domme I have ever served. So there have been many firsts for me and for her. I remember the first time, she had me in panties, we had an afternoon together and she was relieving some much need stress. She had just finished fucking my ass with a strap on and told me to stand and walk over to her dresser and open the top draw. She had me remove a pair of satin baby blue panties, I remember thinking WTF, I am not putting these on, and as I turned toward her, she had this evil grin on her face…… I have learned what that grin means!!! I dropped right back down to subbie mode…. Her words cut me like a knife, I had always told her I do not want to be a girl nor do I find it hot to be dressed like one. She says to me in that very low but seductive voice…., ok boy put them on, I gave a bit of protest and she says, oh Kevin you know you want to do it… I was very surprised at what I said next……. “Yes Miss”, the silk panties did feel soft and nice in my hands, I felt my cock growing very stiff as I leaned down and lifted my leg, Sliding my foot through the opening, then the other pulling the panties up over my now very ridged cock…., Miss was laying on the bed, smiling ear to ear, as the fabric touch my cock I couldn’t think straight, there was no protest. Miss said, "now turn and look in the mirror Kevin," as I did, her hands came around from behind me, running lightly over my now staining cock.. The next words again cut me like a knife….. Miss said… Ohhh you look so pretty in your panties….than she says, see you make a pretty girl…. I felt myself dropping further and further as she spoke her hands rubbing my cock, and saying ohhh kevin, this isn’t a cock right now it is your clitty, now come lay with me my sexy girl….. looking back on that day, I see how she mentally got inside my head and took over….. I know the panties and the words are NOT about me being a girl, but about me giving up control, total power exchange… OMG it is sooo hot!!!!!! Today when I am told to wear the panties, it is a welcome treat!!!
I am her submissive and will obey her, I will stop everything I am doing to ensure she is taken care of or do as she says. In my reflection of my submission to her, I realize she controls me and I give up control willingly…. Miss has recently told me I am ready for a deeper level of submission, and even though I am unsure what that is, I am more than willing to take the next step … Why? Because I am hers both mentally and physically.
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