Confession by Tristan

You hear my soft moan of resignation as you turn and peruse your toy bag and you smile, tonight I will scream, my suffrage will feed your soul.    

  I shiver as I wait, how can you want this, how could you do this to yourself, what possessed you to willingly put yourself here.  The anticipation is unnerving then I feel you press against my back, you gently caress me and I have but a moment to ponder my defiance when I feel you grab my hair yanking my head back and the moment is over defiance turned to submission in but an instance.  The room spins I am stripped, I am kneeling, I am kissing your boot, I am on the cross everything happening in a blur, at the same time why where how…then it happens I hear the click and the sound of my end my beginning. “I know you’ve suffered, but I don’t want you to hide” and I can feel you approaching me from behind like I am seeing you without my eyes.  Then your nails begin a rake down my body.  I feel you growl “please me” as you travel past my ear and the questions in my head become answers from the heart.  Yes, that simple, to please you, in all things to please her.

I stare ahead and concentrate on the music and it starts the first lick of the flogger; “please me, show me how it’s done trust me, you are the one” I can still hear it, feel it in my mind, from my right shoulder down across my back to my left hip.  I feel every inch as it travels my skin leaving behind the goose bumps of desire.  The warm up has begun but tonight it is different, I can’t explain it only feel it; the energy is everywhere the light calls to it, the darkness embraces and hoards it.  As if you are reading every thought in my head the strokes become harder… faster.  Thwack, Sting and the growl catches in my throat my beloved flogger has been changed is it a cane, a stick I cant concentrate the pain is burning it is left it is right where will it be next I cannot anticipate tonight I can only roll through it.   Each scream each growl brings harder contact, I can feel your hunger inside me and my desire to feed it is overwhelming.  I hear you laughing and know I must endure your feeding; each chuckle and giggle reassuring me your hunger is being sated.  The pain begins to peak and I scream fighting every instinct to turn, to run, to beg and its back my love, my fuel.

   The flogger crosses every inch of pained skin soothing it, resetting it and my body relaxes as I ride the music the energy.  Sudden confusion, this time the flogger stings and I grunt then gone then sting but with the subtle underlying thud I have come to embrace.  I can feel you laugh this time knowing you have me relaxing and running at the same time.  The pain is exquisite.  The song ends as does the pain for the moment, breathe man this is where you are meant to be.  Searing intense pain and my eyes fly open and I howl as I feel the fire in my nipples.  As I look into your eyes, I see it, that shine that fire that which drives me.  I try to stand taller through the pain, I am your slut, your canvass, at that moment in that pain looking into those eyes I am not just hers I am a part of her.

Breathe, concentrate, anticipate, and it hits me, the whips have come out but Ma`am you never go to the whips so soon and again I see the energy surrounding me this night is not like other nights this is a feeding frenzy and the rules are no longer their own.  The pain makes me shriek, makes me growl my skin crawls with fire.  I can feel my body lifting the sound becomes more distant more mumbled.  “Oh no you don’t slut not yet” and I feel your hands on my body and just like that I am back again, oh Mistress why? Suddenly the pain is a ten times worse but there is no contact, just pain but not only pain intense pride.  More songs, more implements, canes, paddles, floggers, and hands but always kept right at that edge of pain.  Finally I feel it, the Nemesis and I know the pain will reach me to my core I will be gone soon.  This time I can tell by your strokes it is your intention to bring me and I know it will be hard and fast and it is.

  One moment I am screaming in agony, pain a distant memory and the next I am standing right next to you watching you whip this poor shaking mass of flesh in front of us.  You begin talking to it and although the music is playing, the song sounds like it is miles away.  Your voice is everywhere.  I am staring right at you but you keep whipping and talking to it, but it is me you are talking to Ma`am, it is me.  I am floating, I am beside myself when it hits me; that scent that drives me to madness, which consumes my entire being and feeds my hunger.  I turn my head to you eyes wide and growling the animal in me awakened and drawn to you.  I lunge and feel my hands pull at the restraints, threatening the cross but keeping me from you.  That laugh so deep and joyous, I hear it surround me, see it dripping from your mouth, smell it on your skin, feel the heat of it radiating all around us, it also is me; I was the prey and Mistress has fed.  As I am released from the cross and kneeling down in front of her hugging her waist I end the session with the same thought.  “Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?  Yes  I bet you say that to all the girls”  and I did.