I am fascinated by St. Andrew's crosses. I am not exactly sure what it is about them, that lures me to them, but they seduce me, excite me and scare me to death. I suppose that is how my mind works, the things in life that scare me, excite me. I am a thrill seeker, but I never follow true, because the fear of what might happen, always rules over the excitement. My fear dominates my excitement.
I have never been tied up to a St. Andrew's cross. Yet I am standing right in front of one. It is an impressive sight. The cross is black, it lures me to it and I am scared. The chains are hang there peacefully, quietly, there is no sound coming from it, no metal clashing, absolutely silence.
I take a step forward towards the cross. Tonight, there are no steps back, only steps forward. A step forward in my submission, a step forward in my learning process, in Her learning process, in my trust in her, a step forward to my fear. I try to swallow down the knot that settles in my throat, but the nervousness will not go away. It lingers, always present, in the back of my head, in my heartbeat, in my throat.
“Would it be easier on you, if I'd blindfold you?” The voice behind me startles me and I nod my head. The voice is calm, caring, loving, worried, something I know will change once the blindfold comes on, when the games begin. The blindfold, somewhat calms me, I cannot see what is happening, I cannot see the faces looking at me, staring at me and I like that.
“I will be nice to you and permit you the blindfold .. for now. Do not count on it the entire evening. Today is about taking a step forward.” I nod my head, knowing I am not permitted to speak until given permission. “Turn around.” I do as being told and turn around. A smile spreads across my face, I love the sight of my Mistress. She is a rare jewel, precious to me, I never want to lose Her. She slips the blindfold over my head and I am surrounded by darkness, my heartbeat calms somewhat and I take a deep breath.
She pushes me towards the cross and when I feel cold wood press into my back I shiver. She grabs my left hand and attaches the chain to my handcuff and repeats the action with my right hand. I already feel exposed and nothing has even happened yet. “Spread your legs, Mine.” Her voice gets more demanding and I do as She asks. My feet are tied to the cross and I can hear the metal of the chains now. “You are stuck with me now. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, how does that make you feel?” I try to come up with an answer in my head, but I do not know how I feel. I am scared and excited at the same time. “I asked you a question, since when do you not answer questions?” Her voice sounds agitated. Her fingers grab my nipple and She pinches hard. A whining sound escapes my mouth and I answer Her quickly: “Scared, Mistress. I feel scared.” She chuckles. “Excellent.”
I can hear Her pacing back and forth on the floor. The sound of Her heels set a rhythm for me. With every step She takes I breath in and out. Out of nowhere I feel a sharp pain in my nipple, Her teeth are sinking into it and pulling hard. I can already feel myself getting wet. Her finger traces down my stomach and my breathing fastens. The further down She gets, the slower her finger moves until it stops completely. “I want to hear you beg for it tonight, but not yet. You will beg soon enough.”
“We are going to play a little game tonight. It is called, 'Do not move, under any circumstance'. I gulp. I am a wiggle worm. I move, that is what I do, all the time. I cannot sit still, I cannot lay still, I cannot stand still. “You see, I want to play this game, because it excites me and it pleases me and I know that more than anything, you want to please your Mistress. Am I correct?” “Yes, Mistress.” The words are barely coming out of my mouth when suddenly both Her hands grab my breasts. She squeezes them, pinches my nipples and rolls them between her fingers until they are rock hard. I wonder if I'm in trouble now. I have not moved, but my nipples most certainly have, they moved forward.
I know what is coming next. Nipple clamps. She puts them on and I growl softly, I love that feeling. I like to feel that pain on my nipples, though after a while, they grow numb to the feeling. She pulls the chain that connects the clamps and makes sure they are attached firmly. “Remember, the rules of the game. You will not move, understood?” I whispers a “Yes, Mistress.”
Her hands move over my body, Her touch is sensational. Her fingers soft as silk, but firm as brick when She spanks me. Goosebumps appear all over my body and when Her fingernails scratch down my legs I wiggle. Her fingers stop moving and I wonder why. But then I realize .. I moved. I wiggled. “Seriously? One minute? You last one minute on the one thing I tell you not to do?” Her voice is more harsh now, evil even. I disappointed her and by doing that, I disappointed myself. “You will count and You will thank me after each blow.” At first I am not sure what She hits me with. Identifying toys is not something I am used to yet. “One, Mistress, thank You Mistress.” When I feel the sting in my legs, I know exactly what She is using. A flogger. Not a flogger made of leather, this one is made out of rope and the rope hurts like hell. She flogs me ten times and I count and thank Her. After the tenth strike, tears stream down my face. My legs are burning, but the burning between my legs became more intense as well. I want nothing more but for Her to touch me there.
“Apologize. You better make it good, or we will do another ten.” “I am truly sorry for disobeying Your orders my Mistress. I should not have wiggled as You have clearly informed me of the one rule and I failed to obey You. I beg Your forgiveness, my Mistress, I am sorry for disappointing You.” She doesn't speak. Silence is the worst punishment of all. She sighs. “Amazing as I am, I will give you a second chance. You best not let me down again.”
Her fingernails dig into my skin as they scratch down my legs again, where She flogged me before. I dare not move. Out of nowhere two fingers slip through my wet folds, I moan loud and long, I ache for Her touch. “Oh my. Now what do we have here?” I am soaking wet, no one turns me on like She does. Whether it's a touch or a certain look, She excites me. She spanks my pussy and the tingling in my clit becomes unbearable. I want to move so badly, rub against Her hand, but I am too scared of the consequences. I am caught off guard when Her finger enters me. My legs are on the edge of trembling, my whole body is on fire and I cannot help but beg. “Please Mistress.” “Please what?” I swallow and try to overcome the fear. “Please Mistress fuck me.” I hear an approving sound coming from Her. “Now that's what I call a step forward.” She adds more fingers as She dips Her fingers slowly in and out of me. Her hand must be soaked. “It's not good enough though, you know what to do.” Her other hand grabs my ass and squeezes it. I'm fighting every urge to move, it is impossible not to wiggle, not to give into the temptation, so I try to distract myself. “Please Mistress, fuck me harder.” The words come out loud, I surprise myself. She slaps my ass hard and I beg Her to fuck me, to take what's Hers. She fucks me, with Her fingers. They move in and out of me faster, harder and deeper and my clit throbs. I know what is going to happen next and so does She. I move. I wiggle. I tremble.
She removes Her fingers and brings them to my mouth. Clean them. Now.” I do as She tells me and suck Her fingers clean, every last inch of them. “Obviously, I have not made myself very clear to you. Open your mouth wide.” A gag is shoved in my mouth and I try not to choke on it. “I would tell you not to move, but you do not listen to me anyway, so I will be right back.” I can hear Her walk away and She slams the door. I wait and wait, feeling angry at myself for disappointing Her again. Tears fall down my cheek and I scream. I hate doing this. I hate not being able to stay still. I hate disappointing Her. I try to count to minutes until She returns, but I lose track after ten minutes. After what seems like an eternity, the door opens. I listen to Her foot steps, but something is off. I hear two types of foot steps, one slower than the other. There is a third person in the room. “Mistress?” “Shush. I did not permit you to speak.” She does not sound angry, but Her tone is firm anyway, so I keep silent.
“I decided to bring someone else in the room. Obviously you need some more pursuance to keep still. I can hear a chuckle that sounds oddly familiar, but I can't place it. “Remember what I told you about that blindfold? It is coming off. I will tell you again, you are not permitted to move until I tell you. In order to make this a little more clear, I am hoping that when your blindfold comes off, you will understand the message or you will face the consequences, this time it is up to you.” I am confused by Her words and utterly scared that She exposed myself to someone else.
The blindfold gets removed from my eyes and it takes me a second to get adjusted to the light. Then I see Her. I smile. It's my other Mistress. My eyes grow bigger as I see what is in Her hands though. “Hello hun! Surprise!” My eyes wonder to Her hands and what She is holding in them, as I stare straight ..into the barrel.. of a gun.
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