Peregrine's confession - Jan 2021
I’ve heard some people say that a Domme shouldn’t fall in love with her sub. I’ve heard other people say that penile/vaginal penetration should not be part of a Domme/sub relationship. I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of both, proudly guilty.
I fell in love with Cam so quickly that it was alarming and our relationship has always included penile/vaginal penetration. I love being in love with and having sex with my boy. I can’t imagine where our relationship would be now if I weren’t in love with him and if we didn’t make love, have sex, fuck, couple, etc on a regular basis. We’ve managed to pull off eight years together, so I must be doing something right, right?
It may come as a surprise to you that when I do engage in sexual intercourse with Cam, it is extremely rare that I’m on top and yet, I am alway in control. I decide when, where, how. I decide whether he’ll enjoy it or if I’ll cause him mild, moderate, or severe pain during it. I decide whether he climaxes. I decide whether to punish him for enjoying it. Often we have sex in which I cum and he doesn’t.
Over the years, he has learned to never ask for an orgasm. The look in his eyes may be desperate and pleading, but he would never verbalize a request to orgasm because he knows that is not his right. He understands that sex is not about him. Sex is entirely about me. He has learned to take his pleasure from my orgasms and understands that his orgasms are for my pleasure or amusement. Any enjoyment he may receive from his own orgasms is secondary. In fact, sometimes I punish him for enjoying it.
What we engage in is devotional sex. Sex for us is about him providing me complete and total access to his body to be used in whatever way suits me in that moment. Sex for us is about my pleasure, my orgasm, and never about his. Sex for him is a service to me.
For a lot of people, even outside of the femdom world, it is important that the woman cums first. Generally, this is because the man is physically incapable of maintaining an erection after cumming, but also because his interest in sex quickly dissapates after his orgasm and his desire to close his eyes and sleep often overwhelms him. Although I do cum before him almost every time, I also often insist that he provide me with an orgasm AFTER he cums as well, assuming that he’s lucky enough to cum at all. Sometimes he does this with his mouth or fingers. Sometimes I stuff a viagra down his throat and make him do it with his cock again. Sex does end when his selfish needs are satiated. Sex ends when MINE are.
In the early years, Cam did struggle with this. His desire abated. His physical ability slackened. His submissiveness slipped. After years of training, that is no longer the case. For him, sex does not end until *I* say it ends, regardless of whether or when he cums.
Since the beginning of humanity, sex has been focused on the male orgasm. In Second Life, I often find adult furniture that features blowjobs under the “sex” menu and cunnilingus under the foreplay menu. Indeed, Cam once made the same mistake of defining a woman’s pleasure as foreplay while a man’s climax defined sex. I assure you that I’ve never let him forget that, nor have I ever let him believe that again.
In my sex life, sex is focused on MY orgasm, on the female orgasm. It is his job to provide his body for the purpose of my orgasm. It is his job to control his own pleasure and keep himself from cumming unless I expressly permit it. I can’t tell you how many years it’s been since he’s cum without being directly instructed to cum, nor can I tell you how many years it’s been since he was allowed an orgasm when I wasn’t with him in person or watching in skype to enjoy it myself.
I guess that my point here is… don’t listen to what other people say is and is not part of a femdom relationship. Ladies. Make your own rules. Set your own expectations and requirements. Don’t let others dictate them. If you fall in love, embrace it. If you crave intercourse, go for it.
As a side note, I’m planning to have Cam give a talk about devotional sex at some point, so watching the blog and notices for that.
As another side note to Meldoran… Don’t assume this means you’ll get to fuck me *wink*
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