Note about this confession - It created QUITE a stir at the Dominion. After this confession was read, I received so many IMs about it, I almost put something in my profile as a standard response to politely decline stating I could NOT reveal the source... Ravanys NEVER reveals who the confessors are.
I have a confession to make. I am a Gorean Master. I have been in Second Life for over 2 years now, and I really enjoy doing what I do. I have always been harsh with the subbie boys that frequent Femdoms and BDSM places to submit to Mistresses, and I came here to Dominion one Saturday to track down a friend of mine who I had mapped who was here to pull him out. I just couldn't let my buddy go down like that, you know?
I was standing at the castle wall of the Dominion and reading notecards, browsing profiles, and I find this woman - she's amazing. I can't put it into words, but she DREW me in. The next thing I know, I'm sitting at her house, talking to her, engrossed in what she's saying and ready to do just about anything just to spend more time with her. Of course, I didn't tell her that. I kept up my tough guy facade. She was barely even interested in me, and didn't even message me after she basically dismissed me.
The truth is, I'm a fool... A fool for her. And I don't care anymore. I made an alt, and now I'm here. And being very good and quiet and obedient, quietly enduring all of the kneeling and the yes Miss's which I hate... just so I can have a chance to hopefully get close to her again. If anyone who knew me saw me here, I would never live it down. But I have no choice. I have to be here. I want to belong to her more than anything else.
When I kneel near the circle, I have such a feeling of self-loathing, I can barely stand myself. I'm very well behaved, don't get me wrong. I never let it be known that I am feeling humiliated, betraying my own words and history. I have written lonnnnng forum posts about how submissive men are nothing but weak fools who don't know their place. And here I am! *I* am the weak fool!
On one hand, I hate it. On another hand, I love the fact that I have been proven so wrong. I have been reduced to the thing I have hated the most, and here I am, powerless to stop it.
Will you see me? Will you notice me? Would you take a chance with me? I just want a little bit of your time. I've never felt anything like how I feel when I am with you. But I can't bear the shame of the exposure of who I have been to everyone who knows me. It's a conflict I can't face just yet.
And that is my confession to you, Miss Ravanys and the Misses at Dominion.
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