Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Gorean Master - Anonymous

Note about this confession - It created QUITE a stir at the Dominion.  After this confession was read, I received so many IMs about it, I almost put something in my profile as a standard response to politely decline stating I could NOT reveal the source...  Ravanys NEVER reveals who the confessors are. 

I have a confession to make.  I am a Gorean Master.  I have been in Second Life for over 2 years now, and I really enjoy doing what I do.  I have always been harsh with the subbie boys that frequent Femdoms and BDSM places to submit to Mistresses, and I came here to Dominion one Saturday to track down a friend of mine who I had mapped who was here to pull him out.  I just couldn't let my buddy go down like that, you know?  

I was standing at the castle wall of the Dominion and reading notecards, browsing profiles, and I find this woman - she's amazing.  I can't put it into words, but she DREW me in.  The next thing I know, I'm sitting at her house, talking to her, engrossed in what she's saying and ready to do just about anything just to spend more time with her.   Of course, I didn't tell her that.  I kept up my tough guy facade.   She was barely even interested in me, and didn't even message me after she basically dismissed me. 

The truth is, I'm a fool... A fool for her.  And I don't care anymore.  I made an alt, and now I'm here.  And being very good and quiet and obedient, quietly enduring all of the kneeling and the yes Miss's which I hate... just so I can have a chance to hopefully get close to her again.  If anyone who knew me saw me here, I would never live it down.  But I have no choice.  I have to be here.  I want to belong to her more than anything else.

When I kneel near the circle, I have such a feeling of self-loathing, I can barely stand myself.  I'm very well behaved, don't get me wrong.   I never let it be known that I am feeling humiliated, betraying my own words and history.  I have written lonnnnng forum posts about how submissive men are nothing but weak fools who don't know their place.  And here I am!  *I* am the weak fool!

On one hand, I hate it.  On another hand, I love the fact that I have been proven so wrong.   I have been reduced to the thing I have hated the most, and here I am, powerless to stop it.

Will you see me?  Will you notice me?  Would you take a chance with me?  I just want a little bit of your time.  I've never felt anything like how I feel when I am with you.  But I can't bear the shame of the exposure of who I have been to everyone who knows me.  It's a conflict I can't face just yet.

And that is my confession to you, Miss Ravanys and the Misses at Dominion.

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