In My Darkness I Am A Slut by Daxie

He sits on the edge of his couch, his elbows on his knees, his hands fumbling over each other.  Another wave of chest-wracking sobs flows through his body as tears flow from his eyes.  Eyes looking off to nowhere -- seeing but not comprehending.  His mind is full of mischief and runs through the course of the events of the last hour.

His mind wonders why he allows dominant women to control him so easily, inspiring his mind and body to do things which if anyone else asked him to do he would politely decline.  Yet, when spoken by a Domme, he has no choice but to comply with her words; it’s an inner craving to be useful and needed.  He needs to provide pleasure to them with no regard to his own pleasure.  His pleasure is not deserved and therefore ignored.  Every time becomes easier and easier.   He concludes it isn't the first time nor will it be his last.  He gains knowledge each time he finds himself in this position.

He thinks back to how he got to this point.  It always seems to start innocently but then, as the night moves on, it turns dark.  He once sat in a chat room with a few people he had talked with before.  One was a Domme named Nikki, another was a fellow submissive who goes by “Rock”.  Somehow the conversation led to guys sucking other guys at the request of this Domme.  The turn on for the Domme was to inspire a man to go where he had never gone before.  For the submissive, the gleam of pleasure he knew it would  provide for the Domme.  The prospect of bringing a smile excited the submissive.  So as the talk continued, he wanted to give a gift to Miss Nikki:  the surprise of him sucking another man’s cock.

Nervous yet excited, he dressed up into a very slutty fem outfit just for this purpose.  He found a willing guy on craigslist and within an hour a meeting had been scheduled.  He continued to talk to his friends while he waited for the man to arrive. Only upon hearing the doorbell did he excuse himself.

He nervously walked to the door in his lil outfit.  The man was nice, about 6’1 220, and very polite; he introduced himself as Mike.  As he walked up the stairs( leading Mike to his apartment) he could feel the Mike’s eyes on his body and on his ass.  There was very little covering it.   Mike placed his hands over his new friend's ass.  He caressed it and squeezed it.  Mike pulled his pants down and looked over, noticing the hard cock.  Mike's cock was nice -- around 7” long --  shaved.  It smelled nice.

Yes, 'he' was me.....  Without a word of guidance, I leaned forward grabbing Mike's hard cock in my hand and licked his shaft before putting it into my mouth.  From there it was a blur of licking and sucking  I was  trying to focus on breathing and on controlling my weak gag reflex.  Time had no meaning.  All that was in focus was Mike’s cock. Suddenly, I felt the spurt of juices hitting the back of my throat.  After the initial shock I continued with my motion: swallowing.  I was feeling him pulsate in my mouth, and then shooting even more.

When it was done Mike asked if he could suck my cock.  I declined, not worthy of that pleasure.  He politely let himself out, never to be seen again.

The memory over I quickly hopped back online to report back to Miss Nikki what I had done.  I reported back and discussed what had transpired moments before. Miss Nikki congratulated me.  When she asked what I felt now, I responded:   “Guilt and shame; I feel slutty”.  This produced more than a few “lol’s” from Miss Nikki.  I did the same, not wanting to share the tears that had started to build up.  I excused myself from chat and sat on the couch.  That brought me back to the present.

Exhausted physically and emotionally I went to brush my teeth and to get ready for bed.  I purposely avoided looking in the mirror, not wanting to see the red eyes and the lil slutty outfit that awhile ago made me feel sexy but that currently makes my skin crawl.

Lastly I walked to my bedside table and pulled out my medication for sleep.  I grabbed the sleeping pills and notices that I had plenty.  I sat there for a long period of time just holding them -- thinking.  In the end I took just my prescribed dosage and I picked up my bestest friend, Bo Jangles, my cat.  Holding Bo closely and listening to his purring one last thought went through my head before sleep grabbed me.

“I’m alone in my darkness, which is home to me.  Darkness is my comfort.  I’m only useful and needed when I’m a toy, person’s property, and not a person but a thing.  I am useful when I’m a slut!  In My Darkness I am a Slut”

 -Daxie (the me in he)