Dreamt a Dream - Russel Applemore

I dreamt a dream that shook me.I woke up scared and wondering what demons I had hidden in me waiting to be unleashed ready to rip a chunk from my soul. The walls I had built were no protection last night as I laid inches from my beautiful wife, that small distance a endless abyss as I struggled to touch her, to feel her, use her as my anchor to drag myself back from the horror that tormented me.Again I was crawling into that twisted and torn car lying on its roof on the freeway. The rain washing down over my body, dripping down from my helmet into my face. The sounds of fire Trucks their engines and sirens screaming into the black night. Flashing lights adding to the cacophony of confusion as there strobes caused a eerie shadow to the nightmare before me. Dragging myself through the tight spaces, broken glass crunching beneath my body, my focus on her contorted face as she screamed out for help. Her tortured wails ripping into my ears causing my heart to race and the adrenaline to surge through my veins making time slow down as if I was in a slow motion movie. Seeing her broken and twisted body knowing even then I would be the last face she would see on this earth. I automatically go into a practiced routine as the protocols cycle through my mind trying to keep her alive for the next few minutes. My crew starts to rip into the car ripping and cutting metal, the machines they use causing the metal beneath me to vibrate as it is torn away, trying to make room in the crumpled wreck. Some days even our best efforts will not be enough, Some days technology and advanced medicine cant put them back together again and all I can do is hold her cold hand and whisper comforting words into her ear as her life drains away and the sound of her silence deafens me. Silence that shakes me to my soul. I lay my head against my arm and close my eyes to block out the sight of her blood flowing down and mixing with the water that has pooled around us, soaking into my clothing staining them. Every time I looked into my locker I saw those stains and I could taste the bile bubbling up into my throat, burning and making me rethink my decision if I once again wanted subject myself to the never ending torment.I hide this behind a tough façade; make crude jokes to deflect away when these feelings threaten to surface. There were no jokes last night as I trembled and remembered, the sheets beneath me soaked from my nightmare …I wonder how many other nightmares may still be there waiting for me to be weak.