Disco Man and Panzer Boy Adventures
Special Christmas Episode
“Yuletide” By:Eroyan Barmy
“Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.”
Lady T.’s image shimmered softly as Panzer, Cockbeater, and I sat around in our festive wear listing to our Lady tell the story. We listened quietly as she made the story come alive in our minds. It was a quiet Christmas Eve in Dominion. I always loved this time of year. It was when even the lowlifes of our beloved City of Dominion put down their crimes for a while and joined the festive mood. Christmas was really the only time Panzer and I got to relax.
I grinned watching Panzer hang on every word that flowed from our Lady T’s image he was always just a big kid around this time. I had long ago given up trying to get him to stop wearing a Santa hat on top of his helmet during this time. Granted I was no better. I always wore my red leisure suit to blend in with the colorfully dressed citizens during this time. Even Cockbeater who would normally be finding the next most unusual or decadent Mistress channel put aside his need to whack himself off with watching old holiday programs.
Many a time we would come back to the Pet- Lair in the Lady and instead of catching him doing some new weird bondage or sadistic trick to himself we would find him watching Frosty the Snowman or it’s a Wonderful Life. Trust me it was a lot better than the former. But it was Christmas Eve and we had gathered together as the fireplace popped and crackled with a Yule log listening to our Lady tell use her favorite story of Christmas.
We had all that we needed the family was together the world was at peace and tomorrow was Christmas. It was a perfect evening. Which of course if you have any idea about our luck meant, that the bottom was about to drop out beneath us at any moment. It began with a knock at the door.
Lady T stopped speaking and looked up at us. Each of us looked at the other and thought we had to be hearing things. The Pet-Lair was only known to the four of us. On top of that there were only two ways in and out and both were sealed and guarded by the security systems and doors. This knock if it was one came from the door to the room we were in. That couldn’t be, we would have heard alarms or warnings if someone had broken in. Even if they had the codes for the doors a chime goes off in the control room we would have heard telling us someone was here.
We only had to wait a moment before there again there was a soft knock on the door to where we all sat. Panzer stood up and looked to Lady T. We watched her set the book down and look at us.
“Answer the Door, Panzer.” Lady T said calmly.
“Yes Milady.” Panzer said.
Panzer went to the door and placed his hand on the knob I stood up and held my cane gently but ready watching my brother as I moved Cockbeater away to give me room and down behind the couch a bit just in case. Panzer looked at me.
“Ready Disco?”
“Ready”
With that he flung the door open and braced himself for whatever might be on the other side. I don’t know what we were expecting a boom… a marauding charge of killer Christmas robots something but defiantly not what actually walked into the room. Right between Panzer horse stance as calmly as you please came an elf. I mean seriously, an elf no taller than Panzer’s knee. Dressed in green from head to foot and soft bells jingling on its hat and curled fur boots. The Elf took one look around and pulled out a red envelope of normal size.
“Hello and Yuletide Greetings, I am George and a representative of the United North Pole Mail service, or the U.N.P.M. as we like to call ourselves. I was told I could find…” With that he looked down at the envelope.
Panzer turned around and looked down at the elf and looked at me to find the same look of soft shock on my face as was on his. Cockbeater was peeking over the couch I think still expecting the Elf to suddenly explode. Lady T made no sound simple watching from her seated position as her imaged shimmered gently from the projector behind us.
The Elf …I mean George adjusted his small wire framed glasses as he looked at the envelope in his hand and then looked up at us again.
“Yes apologizes, I was told I could find a Disco Man at this address. Is one of you him? “George said.
For a moment we didn’t move or speak still too stunned at what was going on before us till finally with a soft word from my Lady behind me I spoke up.
“Yes I am Disco Man.”
“Excellent,” George said with obvious joy on his face. “I’ll need you to sign for it. It’s the first delivery we have got to make in over 468 years. All the guys back at the shop won’t believe me if I don’t show the signature.”
“I see.” I said as I leaned down and gently signed my name to his small clip board and took the envelope from him.
“Well that’s all in order then. Thank you very much.” George lightheartedly tucked the clip board into a pocket and smiled to everyone before touching his hat softly. “Merry Christmas to you all and remember if it positively absolutely must arrived to the North Pole by Christmas trust U.N.P.M.”
He turned around once and there was a soft pop and a jingle bell sound. Leaving behind nothing but a shimmer of blue and snowflakes where George the Elf had been standing. It caused Panzer to jump and Cockbeater to let out a squeak before he fainted to the floor. I could only manage to raise my eyebrow as I heard Lady T. behind me whisper a word of “Interesting”.
Panzer went to check on Cockbeater as I looked down at the red envelope in my hand. It was plain and bore no address simply written in fine calligraphy writing was my name. My real name… and below it was a.k.a Disco Man. I sat down on the couch as Panzer was dragging Cockbeater up onto it. I looked up at my Lady for a moment. Then at her nod I opened the envelope and slid out the card inside. It was of plain manufacture with a durable feel to it on my fingers. A creamy white in color and more of the same fine calligraphy upon it.
“Dear Disco Man,
As I know you enjoy to be called that in your line of work. It has come to my attention that I may need use of your services. Yours and your companions, that is. It is regrettable to ask you for such a thing on Christmas but I fear that I have no other options as this is not a night I can miss myself. It seems that something of grand importance has gone missing from my possession and it must be found so that I can complete my journey tonight. If you are willing to help simply toss this letter into your Yule log fireplace and say laugh heartedly Ho ho ho. The magic will do the rest. Regardless of your decision I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas.
Faithfully and Sincerely,
Kris Kringle a.k.a Santa Clause”
There was a smiley face under the name I read as if there was a small wink on it at the a.k.a. part to me. We all sat for a long moment trying to figure out if this was some kind of joke or a hoax. But then there was the memory of George the Elf. Was not that proof enough that this letter could be indeed from Santa Clause?
“It seems Santa Clause needs our help Panzer Boy.”
“Really!?”
I saw his eyes light up like a three year old in a candy store and knew then that we would try to help even if this magic the letter spoke of didn’t work. Lady T. said nothing just bid us to be safe and Cockbeater ran to his station after making sure we had the equipment to communicate with us from so far away. Panzer and I bundled up in our best jackets and boots and gloves and went to the fire.
“Umm Disco..?”
“Yes Panzer?”
“Did it say you had to do the Ho ho ho?”
“Well no it didn’t specifically.”
“Can I do it?” He looked at me hopefully.
I laughed, “Yes you can do it Panzer.” With that I tossed the letter into the fire.
Panzer almost wiggling with joy belted out a loud and boisterous “HO HO HO!”
At first nothing happened and just as Panzer was about to try again. We were both wrapped in a shimmering blue mist and I could hear two distinct pop sounds and assume we left behind snowflakes. For when I could see again we were most defiantly not in the Pet-Lair.
The snow crunched beneath our feet as we looked around and realized we were in the middle of a small city of what looked like gingerbread houses and quaint brink buildings you saw in Christmas sets. The lamps along the street flickered with warmth and gave off a warm glow and every home was decorated from top to bottom with garland and lights. Around us going to a fro were Elves. All about the same height as George had been and none of them acted surprised that suddenly two people had just appeared out of thin air into the middle of their town.
Instead we were greeted by shouts of “Merry Christmas!” and “Happy Holidays!” as many passed by carrying Christmas presents and other items. Many stopped to offer us a warm cup of coco or a piece of pie. To which they feel in love with Panzer right away as he tried everything offered to us. I politely took a warm cup and sipped at it. Staring at the candy cane striped pole that was next to us with a slightly lopsided sign atop that said North Pole on it.
“Glad you could make it!” A hearty voice sounded behind us.
Turning around there stood as every story has warned us before, a jolly old fat man with rosy cheeks and nose, dressed head to toe in red and white fur his tummy rolling like a bowl full of jelly as he laughed and clapped us both on the back.
Sheepishly I said, “Santa Clause?”
Laughing he hugged both me and Panzer at once in a tight embrace, “Call me Kris! Now come let’s get out of the street so we can talk.”
Panzer and I nodded as we followed Santa up the street. The whole way everyone wishing Merry Christmas and Santa and Panzer stopping now and then to try a new Elven recipe that was brand new even if it was thousands of years old. Finally we reached a small cottage next to a grand workshop that still had sounds of work going on inside. Santa opened the door and bid us to enter. I couldn’t resist I peeked around the cottage at the stables behind and saw the soft glow of a red nose in one of the stables. Santa just patted my shoulder and led me inside with Panzer.
“I apologize that Mrs. Clause isn’t here she is visiting Father Time and greeting the New Year baby that will be born tonight.”
“I thought New Years was still a week away.” Panzer said.
“Well of course it is but new years have to learn what the old ones know before they can take over don’t they.”
“Oh well yes I suppose.”
Panzer was looking around at Santa’s house trying to take it all in. A cozy warm cottage with the smell of soft spices and holly, next to the large chair Santa settled in was a stack of paper from the floor to the arm of the chair. Panzer stared at it a long time as Santa took off his gloves and patted it looking at Panzer.
“Yes it’s The List, at least a part of it. I like to make a hard copy for light reading in the evenings. Reminds me of simpler times when the world wasn’t so fast.” He smiled but for the first time I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“Kris you said you lost something?” I said.
“Yes yes I did. Terribly embarrassing really to have lost it but I need it so I can do my rounds tonight.”
“You mean if you don’t have it the presents won’t be delivered?” Panzer eyes were wide with awe and fear at this idea.
“I’m afraid so Panzer. “ Santa said, “You see the sleigh is pulled by my reindeer and traveling isn’t the problem. The problem is that the magic that is needed to deliver the presents. Namely, to get into and out of people’s homes so to speak, well that requires magic and that magic is Christmas spirit. That’s what I have lost.”
“But Kris if you have lost the Christmas spirit how are you able to be here?” I asked.
He looked at me and suddenly he laughed heartedly again, “Oh no no no , yes you are right if the Christmas spirit ever dies in the world yes I would be gone and so would all the elves you saw out there. I should have said I have a place I store Christmas spirit. My bag you see. I keep Christmas Spirit in there and use it to go up and down chimneys etc etc. I’ve lost my present bag.”
Panzer and I looked at each other. Thinking the same thing we have to find Santa’s present bag? Wouldn’t someone have kept an eye on it we were both thinking? “How did you lose it?” Panzer and I both said at the same time which caused a soft round of laughter.
“That’s just it one day it was where we kept it, there in the chest with my good suit I wear on Christmas Eve. Then next it was gone. All the Elves have been looking for it and so far none of us have been able to find it.
“Any, Idea where it might be?” I asked Santa.
With that Santa leaned forward and put his finger to his nose. Pulling us close to him he looked at us both and said. “Yes.” Then he leaned back and chuckled.
Panzer actually fell out of his chair leaning too far out of it and landed with a thud and I leaned down and helped him up grunting a bit with his weight.
“ummph, well if you know where it is. Why haven’t you gone to get it?” I asked.
“Cause it is the one place that I cannot go. So I needed you two to go fetch it for me if you would.”
“Well yes Santa we have come this far we will go get it for you. But where is it?”
Santa leaned back and placed his hands on the arm of his chair and gazed a moment in the fire. For a moment I thought her might send us home that he was having second thoughts about sending us where ever it was we were to go.
“Do you remember the story of Rudolph?” Santa said.
Remembering the glow of the red nose I had saw earlier in the stables I nodded. Panzer sat back down and listened.
“He ended up on the island of misfit toys and in the story and in truth I took all the misfit toys from there after he returned home and gave them to children who loved them anyway. Since then the Island of Misfit toys was in name only. Every toy has a home that comes from my workshop. But recently someone has moved to the island. And in order to keep peace I promised that I would never set foot on that island.”
“Who is this someone?” I asked.
“The Grinch’s brother.”
I blinked and Panzer’s jaw dropped. “The Grinch as is the guy that stole Christmas or tried to?”
“Yes that’s the one, now he’s one of my biggest helpers as he learned you can’t stop Christmas. But his brother well he just thought his little brother was weak and won’t have anything to do with him. He moved onto the island after that and I knew he might try to stop Christmas at the source meaning me. I met with him and I thought we had agreed to leave the other alone. But I know my present bag is there right now. I don’t know if he stole it but it doesn’t matter I need it back or he might actually succeed where his little brother failed. The world is fragile… I fear that if I do not ride and deliver tonight as usual that there might be a break in Christmas spirit. Will you still go and get my bag?” Santa asked.
“The Grinch has a brother?” Panzer said to himself.
“Yes we will go get your bag.” I said.
Santa stood up and put his hands on Panzer and my shoulders. “Thank you boys.” He said softly. There was a pop and blue mist and more snowflakes.
Panzer and I were standing on a small island. Ice flows drifted around us in the frigid sea. The Island wasn’t that big and we could see all the way across it. Looming above us on all sides but a small slit that allowed the sea in was a glacier that kept the howling arctic wind away from the island. Snow and Ice drifted down around us from the wind blowing it off the top of the glacier and there in the middle of the island was a hill and there was the dark cave of what could only be assumed of the Grinch. Or the Grinch’s big brother.
Panzer looked at me and I am him, we both began to walk toward the cave. We came within a few feet of the entrance when a growl sounded within.
“So the fat man finally sent his heroes to save Christmas did he?” The growl said within.
“You have something that doesn’t belong to you.” I responded.
“I have it, and therefore it does belong to me now. So trusting he was when I told him I wouldn’t bother him. So foolish, it allowed me to find out what really would ruin Christmas. Not like my idiot little brother who thought it was just presents and trees. Now he helps the fat man in his jolly making. Still he comes and tells me we were wrong the only joy I gain from him coming is being able to see how far I can toss him into the sea.” The growling voice laughed.
“Never the less it doesn’t belong to you and we ask you to return it. We do not wish to hurt you to get it.” Panzer said.
At this the growling voice laughed so hard that snow shook from the cave entrance and we saw a pair of glowing eyes look out at us from the cave. “Hurt me you say? I am not like my little brother who could only frighten the whos in who-ville because they of all the creatures in the world were smaller than him.”
At that he stepped from the cave and Panzer and I took a step back. He must have to crouch inside his dark hole for when he stood up he towered over Panzer and I. He was a towering twelve feet tall and his marsh like green fur was so dark it was almost black. His eyes glowed yellow as the snow and ice drifted onto his body. He wore a ragged cloth around his waist and a wide belt. There tucked just by the buckle was a brown sack with a golden braid around the end. Santa’s bag.
“You creatures are to me are like the whos my brother enjoyed to terrorize before he grew weak. I have grown stronger over the years feeding off the hate of Christmas and it has gotten stronger and stronger. People are forgetting and I find this good. Soon I will return to your world and my name will be written again to warn others. Like your kind would heed it, you didn’t before so you won’t again and I will feed again as deliciously as I did before. Over and Over.”
Panzer looked at me and began to move to one side of the Grinch as I began to move to the other making those yellow eyes watch me.
“So I take it your name isn’t Grinch then?” I said as I moved nearer toward him.
His yellow eyes focused on me and laughed another booming laughter that made a piece of the glacier around us crack and enter the sea with a splash. “See! Even now you do not know me and I left my name for you all to read on that tree. For any who might find it to quake in fear. Fine I will tell you my name so that you will know your fate before I crush you and this Spirit of Christmas that has plagued me so. I am Croatoan! And that pitiful colony of your kind was delicious.”
His laughter at us caused his glowing eyes to close a moment and as my mind flashed with images of the lost colony I knew now was the time.
“Go Panzer go!” I yelled.
Croatoan’s eyes flashed open with surprise as Panzer suddenly leapt onto his leg. “What? Get off!” Croatoan yelled and tried to swat at Panzer.
I pointed my cane and fired my grapple hook from the end catching a thick bunch of fur at his neck. Croatoan yelp in surprise and forgetting Panzer grabbed for the cable with his hands. Panzer was still climbing up the huge Grinch as I slammed my cane into the hard ice and imbedded it firmly. Grabbing the cable I yanked with all the strength I could just as Panzer leapt up and grabbed the belt of the giant. The jerk and Panzer sudden weight at his middle threw Croatoan off balance and he began to topple.
“Get Clear Panzer!” I yelled.
“Right hang on!” He yelled back and grabbing Santa’s bag jumped hard pulling it from the waist band of the belt and landing in a roll away from Croatoan as he crashed to the ground. I darted over and grabbed Panzer hand pulling him up.
“He’s not out but let’s get, the heck out of here.”
“Agreed.”
Panzer and I took off running for the edge of the Island hoping that if we made it to the sea Croatoan wouldn’t follow. We only made it about a hundred feet from the cave when a howl of rage boiled out of Croatoan and we heard the thud of those giant feet as he chased us.
“You will not steal it from me!” Croatoan screamed. “The Spirit of Christmas will be destroyed I will burn it before your eyes then feast on your bones!”
Panzer and I ran for all we were worth hearing the raging Grinch chasing us down. We were close now to the water we might just make it. Then the world went dark. Panzer and I went down tumbling struggling to rise out of the giant snowball that had take us both out Croatoan was on us in seconds. He struck me hard and sent me flying a few feet and grabbed Santa’s bag from the snow. But Panzer leapt on it and held on tight. Shaking my head I ran to Panzer as he dug in his boots deep and growled at Croatoan.
“Let go you worthless human!” Croatoan growled back.
“Never!” Panzer yelled.
I grabbed Panzer around the waist and together we were able to keep Croatoan from getting the bag. He couldn’t hold on to it without both his hands so a tug of war ensued with neither gaining control over the other for long. But we knew that we would grow tired faster than Croatoan it was only a matter of time. Already we had been dragged closer back toward the cave.
“Yess soon you won’t be able to hold on and it will be mine again. And you will watch it burn before I eat you both.” Croatoan hissed at us.
“What are we going to do Disco? “ Panzer said to me.
“Hold on as long as we can. I won’t give up as long as you won’t.”
“He’s not getting it without a fight!” Panzer and I pulled with all our might.
“Isn’t that adorable.” Croatoan laughed at us. “Nothing can stop me especially not you.”
“Santa could!” Panzer yelled at him.
“Ha! Santa would only try to show me the Christmas spirit bring me a present maybe. It doesn’t matter he won’t break his word he is that good. He won’t set foot on this island. He promised. You are doomed!” Croatoan growled at us.
“Panzer,” I panted into his ear. “There is someone who can help us but you have to trust me.”
“You know I do brother.” He gasped back. Both of us were growing weaker.
“Close your eyes and let go.”
Panzer to his credit didn’t question and at the same time we let go which sent Croatoan falling back with a crash into the snow and ice again. I held onto Panzer and we both closed our eyes and maybe for the first time we truly asked for help.
“Victory!” we heard Croatoan cry aloud. As he stood up and held Santa’s bag in his grip, we heard him turn and stalk toward us. “Now for you two to watch the death of Christmas and your precious Santa can’t help you!”
Suddenly a calm voice was next to us. “No he promised but perhaps I can.”
Panzer and I opened our eyes and there beside us was a young man. He was dressed in nothing but a light robe and sandals. He should have been freezing but warmth seemed to radiate from him. Croatoan stood stock still at his appearance and gazed at the young man.
“Where did you come from?” Croatoan growled.
“I am always near to those that need me.” He smiled at Panzer and I. Gently he touched us and our weariness faded and we no longer felt the cold or pain. I began to weep and Panzer knelt in the snow.
The Grinch known as Croatoan looked back and forth at us and this young man. His voice began to tremble as he asked. “Who are you?”
“I am a Sheppard of men. I like you was born into this world and it was on this night I came to bring the light to the world. “He said calmly.
“You…you can’t be.” Croatoan said and his voice no longer growled it was as if a small child came out. “It was just a story.”
The young man held out his hands and looked up at Croatoan. “Come and feel the holes Croatoan for like Peter you must see.”
Croatoan leaned down and saw the holes there in this young man’s wrists. Suddenly he wept like a baby as I had been doing so since his appearance. Calmly the young man placed his hand on Croatoan’s head.
“Put down your burden and follow me.”
Croatoan dropped Santa’s bag and nodded. Panzer and I watched as they walked to the sea and across it. Literally across it right on top of the water that became calm and smooth as glass for them. Panzer picked up the bag that lay nearby and we both looked at them. Croatoan actually smiled and the young man held his hand high. In farewell and then they were gone.
We were back in Santa’s cottage as he gleefully took his present bag back. We told him all that had happened and he smiled and laughed and nodded as if all along he knew that was how it would end. The whole North Pole town turned out to see Santa off and we among them cheered to see his bag full and sleigh ready as he took off into the night.
George the Elf was gracious enough to send us back home and when we arrived Cockbeater asked us if we were going. I laughed and said we had been gone for hours at which Cockbeater gave me your crazy look and pointed to the clock.
We hadn’t left. It was only a min after we had tossed the letter into the fire. I looked and there still visible was the letter just now blackening in the fire. The last piece was the smiley face under the name of Kris Kringle. Panzer and I both turned to our Lady and told her everything that had happened how it couldn’t have just been a min. She listened and Cockbeater sat there still thinking we were nuts. Finally our story was over and both Panzer and I stood before the image of our Lady T.
Gentle she said, “Sit.”
“Yes Mistress” was the reply from all of us.
We settled back down on the couch listening to the Yule log pop and crackle, each of us half -expecting a knock on the door. Finally our Lady T picked up her book again.
“It seems that my boys have been very good this year.” She purred. And that was the end of it.
She began to read from her book again and when the story was over we all rushed to our beds and in the night we each felt out Lady come in and whisper to us how much she loved us and tucked us in snugly.
Tomorrow was Christmas, Santa would ride tonight, and the Morning Star burned brighter than ever before. Our family was together and though Panzer and I never could prove what happened that evening. I will never forget the young man who held his hand high to us beckoning to us and the words that only Panzer and I heard. “Peace, goodwill towards men.”
I never slept so soundly or at peace. Merry Christmas.
