I Have A Voice by Lady Portia

I Have a Voice

© Astrid de Manyet


It’s 2016. A new year, a fresh start. Lots to do.

I think how this works at the beginning of the year is that you’re supposed to make resolutions. These days it seems that most people resolve to make no resolution. I decided go against the norm. I definitely have a resolution or two.

I’m ready for a year of healing. A year of renewal and fresh starts. I’m ready to come to the helm and take control and steer the rudder. And once this ship is moving in the right direction… I’m ready to write baby write.

But the thing of it is, I’m resolving for one thing over all others.

I resolve to fight. Yes, you heard right. I’m ready to fight for what is mine, my right to be safe, free of fear, and my right to heal.

I want to be a voice for women who have been abused, as well as a voice for mental health awareness. There is too much stigma still out there.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bi-polar 1 (with severe depression at the moment), Adult ADD, Social Anxiety and Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Agoraphobia. Several of these diagnoses have been brought on by or triggered by the severe domestic abuse I have suffered and survived.

Society perpetuates myths about what it means to have a mental illness. And those myths hold me and others like me back. They keep us from seeking help. They are the reason I am yelled at in the hallways of my apartment building. They are the reason there is a lady down the hallway who throws trash at me when she sees me.

It’s time for those things to change.

Just because I can’t always speak out verbally, doesn’t mean I am less deserving.

I am human.

I am not stupid.

I am not dangerous.

And I have a voice.

And my voice is my writing… and I resolve to use my voice — my writing — to speak out on behalf of others who cannot.

Perhaps that is what my purpose has been all along. Perhaps that is why I have survived what I have survived. If so, then the suffering was worth it. I will speak. I will write.

This is my resolution.

I have a voice.