A Love Letter by Lady Eva

This is a love letter to the most important person in the room. Me.

I know, I know.  There is a small chance that I am not the most important person in the room to you.  And I shouldn't be.  You should be. But that's not always the case, is it? Especially if you are a woman.

How many times are women lauded for putting themselves last? For being self sacrificing? "She always has time for me."  "She'll drop everything to help out."  The good mother, the good sister, the good friend - these are the roles we are taught to fill, the goals we are taught to achieve, that will make us feel fulfilled. But at what cost?

The cost for me has been steep at times.  My health, both physical and mental has suffered.  I've neglected my career and my passions and even my most important personal relationships in order to be "there" for others, some of whom I barely know.  But I'd be lying if I said that I did it all out of kindness and concern.  I also wanted people to think highly of me.  I did it for the pets and pats and compliments. I did it for my ego.

It's a stupid way to live a life.  But I know better now.

I am putting myself first.  I am taking care of myself first. Doing and getting what I want is my number one priority.  I am living my life for me.

Does that sound wrong? If it does, maybe you should ask yourself why.

We should be living our own lives, first and foremost.  We should be at the centre and core.  No one else should occupy that space, not our children, not our lovers, no one.

I'm proud of myself for putting me first.  I'm proud of myself for ignoring the subtle (and not so subtle) guilt from acquaintances and even good friends who feel they deserve my time and attention.  I'm proud of myself for saying, "no", without apology or explanation.

Also, I am proud of myself for learning to not guilt others for taking care of themselves.  I don't need you to sacrifice any of your time and energy to be a good friend to me.  Give it freely if you have it and want to give it. And I'll do the same.  But most importantly, go and get what you want out of life.

So thank you again to me for figuring out that no one is going to give me anything, or make things happen in my life if I don't, that no amount of validation from others will make up for a life neglected and half lived. I get it.  I am living it.  And I hope you are too.