I Feel So Pretty by Kirby

I Feel Pretty...Oh So Fucking Pretty (my story to satisfy punishment)



Saturday morning, and my Hello Kitty alarm clock burst into a melodic greeting to start my day. Two size thirteens hit the floor, and I gave Kitty a slap on the head to silence her invitation. My hands reached for the sky as I stretched out the sleep. The pointer on my hand pressed the silver power button on my way to the bathroom, and the music began. "Good morning you hot piece of man meat!", it was my standard greeting to myself in the mirror. Time to brush my teeth, and as I did, a nice beat came over the stereo. My hip started to cock to the side...left and right. A Night at the Roxbury had nothing on me.

I finished up my hygienic duties, and perused my closet for the threads of the day, but what to wear? "Gosh, I feel especially pretty today.", and my eyes landed on the perfect ensemble. Yes! My yellow dress. It was so beautiful, and showed off my legs to boot. Oh yes, this was a yellow dress day. Quickly, I slipped it on and instantly felt like a million bucks. No, it wasn't couture, but it was freaking YELLOW. How could that be wrong? I checked my profile to ensure I didn't need to add some spanks, but all was looking good. I went to add some plaid boxers underneath, but hesitated. To my Hello Kitty clock I said "I have such a great idea Kitty! I will go commando in my beautiful dress and hang out at the subway. Yes, right next to the hot dog vendor. Surely nothing could go wrong. I have the best ideas EVER!".

I could never describe the freedom of freeballin in my yellow dress. It was liberating. My feet were dancing instead of walking. I sang out my words as I greeted those I passed. Everyone was looking at me. They were SO jealous. I just knew it. The destination was reached, but I would not go down the stairs. That lighting was no good to show off the brilliance of my attire. Nope, I was staying above ground next to Habib the hot dog vendor. He kept pushing his cart away, but that was simply due to his insecurity about being so close to my beauty. I worked my corner like a two dollar hooker with ambition. I greeted folks as they headed down the stairs with a prom queen wave, and a chirpy voice. However, they ignored me! Couldn't they see how pretty and awesome I am? Were they all gripped by the green monster of jealousy in my presence?

I needed to be noticed. Just one word that would validate my pretty existence. Was it so much to ask? My mood was crashing. The only thing I could think to do was drop by the Chin Hinko Bath House. For $50 they would tell me anything I wanted to hear. I was nearing the sidewalk, and soon froze in place as I felt the hot rush of air lifting my beautiful dress like parachute. My knees went together, and hands tried to force the dress down. Everyone stopped and stared at me. Finally! I blew kisses to them all and even got my photo taken by tourists. Validation finally happened for me. I know I held that pose for at least five minutes. It could have gone longer, but there was a very menacing man in uniform coming towards me. Thank goodness I wore my Nikes. My feet sprinted back home where I would survive my own beauty for another day. Who knew what tomorrow would bring?