Confession by Anonymous

Fantasies and desires..

I would have to stick to the fantasies and desires since i cannot possibly write a good erotica or poem. I have this fantasy to be with a woman whom i could just adore, pamper and worship in a D/S setting. I have my guards up all the time and it is really hard for me to let those guards down, be vulnerable to feelings such as passion and intimacy. BDSM comes to the rescue here. BDSM helps me to let go. I imagine myself to worship a lady, not caring about anything, letting down all my guards, exposing my core to her, taking a leap of faith, fall on my knees before her, rest at her feet, treat her like a goddess/a queen/ a savior who would allow me to come outside of this shell that has been building up and hardening over such a long time as a result of rational reasoning, as a defense mechanism to not allow anyone get into my head. But now i feel i have lost so much in the process too, i feel like i have devoid myself from the pleasures of intimacy and passion, the pleasure to love. I want to act as a human now, not a machine. i deserve to feel the intimacy, the desire, the passion, the trust. And i want her to help me break those shells, help me to be vulnerable enough for those emotions to penetrate.
I would want her to grab me by hair and slap my face and spit on it, grab a whip and tear apart. i need to soften up, i need o let go. And a broken body is a good start. She also need to break into my mind then, humiliate me, make me worship her shoes, make me her whore, chew into my flesh, get a strapon and fuck me .. break my ego, make me realize i don't have to torture myself from trying to be at top of things all the time, break me to reach my core, help me to express. then i could tell her how much i love her, she could hold me, i could rest my head in her hand and weep, and i need to weep, i don't remember when was the last time i wept. i could kiss her feet in devotion, i would hold her so tight, i would kiss her so deep.. i would feel such a rush of emotions. The devotion, the intimacy, the passion, the pain, the trust. She could hold me, comfort me, kiss me, listen to my confessions i would never share with anyone. she could tell me i can trust her and put my emotional investment in her, she could put a collar around my neck and tell me " see i got you, you would not be lost". i would be so aroused so messed up with experiencing so many emotions. I could be playing with myself while i cry in her lap. Some times to build an old wall, its better to shatter the old one.