Last Night by Niki

Last Night
By Niki Songlark

A night like many others.
Casual conversation with people I like but keep at arms’ length.
A hug for a few, a very few, a friendly wave to the others.

Except for one.
A hug for her.
A warm hug, holding her tight and close.
Her arms squeezing me, holding me tighter and longer.
Did I “mmmm?” Did she hear me?

A bubble shattered unnoticed.
“Why are you moving away?” she asks.
“Was I?” I reply, closing the distance, my leg against hers.
Conversation and food and laughter and why am I blushing?

A hand on my leg.
A touch so casual and so intimate.
So welcome.
Does she know what she’s doing to me?
Mmm, tingles.
From my scalp, down my back.
This is why cats purr.

Conversation and laughing and a milkshake.
Goodbyes.
Outside.
“Can I walk you to your car?”
Did she hear?
She turns expectantly and we go.

And we’re alone.
Her arms are around me, pulling me close.
And we’re talking and laughing and her mouth is on mine.
So good so good so good.
I’m leaving hand-prints on her windows.

And talking and laughing and it’s so easy.
Her words cascade over me.
They’re so smart and so pretty.
She is her words.
My words feel clumsy and inadequate.
Why can’t I say it?
Why can’t I say how I feel, how she makes me feel, what I want?
She demands it and I do, in small words.
Dribbles through a crack.

My body is against her, and she looks at me.
Does she know how much I want her?
Her hands are on me, so cold, but I’m so hot and it feels so good.
She says she won’t hurt me and I trust her.
Please push me, make me say the things I can’t say, I want her hands on me, her lips, her teeth.
My hands are on her, in her hair. She feels so good.

Her hands are on my chest.
Can she feel my heart beating for her?
There’s a rattle, does she feel that?
I have to walk away and cough into the bushes, at least I didn’t cough in her face.
And we’re together again and the moment isn’t lost.
We talk and laugh and hers is musical and mine sounds like an old man’s and I hate it.

Her hands are on my wrists and they’re behind my back, her mouth on mine.
She’s in control.
So much power.
Does she know?
She looks at me and I feel like she knows what I’m thinking.
But she makes me say it.

It’s time to go and she kisses me one more time and tells me to walk away.
I do, wanting to stay, wanting more time, more of her.
I walk away and we wave and I sigh.
I’m in my car and that can’t be the time.

It’s a short drive and I’m thinking of her and how she feels.
Tasting her on my lips.
And I’m in bed and we’re talking still.
The screen glows and that’s how I feel.
My eyes close and she’s my last thought.